Sometimes, you just don’t realize how important something is to you until you’re in danger of losing it, or if you’ve lost it forever.
Sometimes, I feel this way. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen to me if something like that really happened. What would I do if I lost someone precious to me? What would happen, what would I do, if I lost my best friend, my sister, my mother? Alot of things come to mind. But I’ve been lucky: I haven’t lost all that much at all. I’ve never really truely suffered, not like my friends. I guess you could say I’m pretty well off.
I wish I could say the same for Francis. And, although I didn’t directly lose her, I stil know at least a little bit of what she’s feeling right now.
I just found out. Yesterday, Francis’ mom died. She had been battling cancer for several years now. If I recall it was either lung cancer, breast cancer, or both (though if I recall, it was lung cancer). The other day she was emitted into the hospital because she was having problems with her intestines, her bowels, something. Francis was telling me this and how her mom’s body seemed swollen. I tried to reassure her. “I’m pretty sure the swellen will go down,” and “Maybe your mom’s just really constipated, that’s all. She’s really strong, I’m sure she’ll pull through this.”
It wasn’t until Francis told me that her friend’s dad was emitted into the hospital a while back for the same reasons, only to die. And the reason? Lung cancer.
I heard her words, and I tried to reassure her again. “Your mom has been strong in the past, she’ll fight this too, I’m positive.” But deep down, my heart already knew. Gale wasn’t going to stay here much longer. And I really didn’t want her to go. I thought highly of that woman. She reminded me of my own mom. Laid back, but took enough care of her kids to more or less keep them out of trouble (except Jimmy, who always was in trouble). She was good natured, funny, and someone I liked to hang around with. When I visited, me and Francis would sit and chill with her mom and just chat.
Yesterday, in chorus, I noticed Francis wasn’t there. My stomach did flip flops and I had a really bad feeling, like something bad was about to happen. Today, around fourth period, I didn’t see Francis come out of the classroom where I alway met her. She wasn’t in school. My heart dropped. These weren’t good signs, and I just had a feeling that it had happened.
Apparently, she had died at around 4pm. They unhooked her from the respirator later that afternoon. I had found out only about half an hour ago. Kasedy informed me, and I was shocked. But, I already knew. And my heart sunk even more.
And I realized. My parents won’t last forever either. In fact, they won’t live as long as they could. They both have been smoking for well over half thier lives, and what if they develop cancer too? What would I do then? I would kill myself if anything happened to my mom or my dad. My family means to world to me. And if I feel that way about them, then I can imagine how Francis feels. But I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she’s going through.
I need to find her. I have to find her today. I have to go to her and help her as best as I can. Kasedy and I will go see her tomorrow too. She needs us now more than ever. I only she doesn’t hurt herself. Because, even though she and her mom argued and fought alot, I know for a fact that Francis loves her with all her heart. I know because of the way she was acting these past couple of months when Gale started having problems. But I need to go to her and help her. It’s the only thing I can do right now. And it’s these kinds of things where I feel so helpless and wish I could do more, so much more, to help. But, I’m only human, and I’ll just have to help her as best as I can. And I hope that others who are her friends will help her too, because I can only do so much.
I’m sorry Francis. I wish your mom didn’t have to suffer the way she did before she died. But at least she’ll no longer feel pain. And don’t forget, she’ll always be with you, always