Comments on: Judgment Day Chapter One: Pilot

By: Sean

Sean — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 02:04:20 +0000

That gave me chills the whole time i was reading it…. it was really suspenceful it was fantastic

By: Dad

Dad — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:20:12 +0000

Thanks for the reminder…. got to re-affirm the agreement… I also am going to have to take a walk… story is actually quite good…. if you were in ‘touch’ and it happened, you would have seen the rider.

By: Natalie

Natalie — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 01:07:42 +0000

I liked it :3 It’s really good. Hooray for good writing! Anyways, you captured the characters nicely, job well done

I’d like to say that the school IS FUCKING CREEPY~ :3

By: Mike M

Mike M — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 00:52:56 +0000

I liked this alot…I thought the suspense was good. Only thing is when you say 2:55…I’d take that out and somehow have the narrator include that as exposition before the dialouge begins again.

Great job my dear.

By: G

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 15:10:00 +0000

If the demon didn’t kill us for his photo op and all XD

By: MercenaryD

MercenaryD — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 07:00:44 +0000

Wouldn’t just be perfect if I could capture a photo of that demon…

By: MercenaryD

MercenaryD — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:57:17 +0000

Definitely want to read it! I’m taking my camera on the next trip Maybe we can get you a cover graphic…

By: G

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:50:16 +0000

Well, the gash/crack in the head/concussion you get in this chapter can be caused by whatever the reader wants to imagine. I imagined something different; the force of the demon flung you headlong into a telephone pole or tree. As for how the demon moved during that time when we went, all I remember seeing was something akin to a black tsunami.

(Dude, that would be FECKING AMAZING. Actually, the trip to the school on Halloween during witching hour was gonna be a part of my plot; loves it!)

Ah! I forgot to mention; this drabble is actually a chapter in my story. It might be published some day — yea, right — so there’s gonna be chapters, blah blah. I’m not putting them up here, but, Derek, when I’m done with the book, I’d love for you to read it.

By: MercenaryD

MercenaryD — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 06:39:16 +0000

Well… you summed it up nicely. But are you sure that the gash in my head was from the fall and not the claw? There’s not much on Liberty St. that you can get hurt that badly on. Also I thought that the thing moved more like an loping ape than a cat.
BTW – remind me never to go back there during witching hour again! (So want to go on Halloween?)