Okay folks, this is a discussion post. Meaning I shouldn’t be the only one saying stuff. I can’t even begin to tell you how pissed I was when only THREE people ACTUALLY had something to say! COME ON PEOPLE! YOUR BRAINS! YOU HAVE ONE! USE IT!
Anyway, we turned in our fear papers in class today, and we’ve started a new topic, love. So, in order to get materials for this next paper (though I think I know what I’m gonna write about), let’s have a REAL discussion, please. I’m begging you here.
So, love. What is it? When you say “I love you”, what do you really mean? And if you can elaborate or go into detail, I’m most certainly not stopping you.
When I say “I love you”, what I’m really saying is “You are very important to me, and I generally accept you for who you are.” Generally is a key word in there.
I think in order for you to love somebody, before you can love them, you have to already be aware of their flaws (all of them), and you have to accept them before you can even consider loving that person. Family love is different from a lover’s love. I think in general family love is a lot more easygoing too; I mean, you can fight with each other here and there and sometimes you’ll treat each other like crap, but *usually* at the end of the day, everyone is still there for each other.
Anyway, give me your input. YES DAD AND DEREK THAT INCLUDES YOU! Or else I won’t talk to you for the entire time I’m home. You all aren’t monotonous robots; you have a damn opinion, now say something, for fuck’s sake!
“What is love?” Geez, she doesn’t want much, does she?
Okay, for starters, I will disagree with you in part. What you identify as part of familial love (”you can fight with each other here and there and sometimes you’ll treat each other like that, but *usually* at the end of the day, everyone is still there for each other.”) should be a part of all kinds of love. That is, sometimes you fight with your lover/spouse/significant other, too. And once again, at the end of the day, you’re still there for each other.
I think I like the way the Ancient Greeks looked at love. They thought there were at least three distinct types of love: philia (brotherly love or friendship), eros (erotic love) and agape (spiritual love).
This is where I depart from the ancient Greeks, I think. The two types involving mere people can exist alone or in tandem. You can have the hots for somebody, be “in love” with them (which usually has a lot to do with being sexually attracted to them). A lot of passion there and it can be a lot of fun, too. But, at the end of the day, it doesn’t usually last any more than a firecracker can last forever. Eventually, it burns itself out.
Then there philia, brotherly love, friendship and love of humanity. On a certain level, everyone is the same and we love our fellow man in many respects as an extension of our love of ourselves (which, according to the Greeks, is a separate type of love that I won’t get into right now).
There is also the friendship aspect of philia, the love for your friend. This, to me, is the most basic and most fulfilling kind of love and, when combined with eros, makes for a love that really can last a lifetime. That is because philia is about loving the person inside the body: their mind, their spirit.
When you have a friend (and I mean a real friend), that means you spend a certain amount of time exploring their mind, discovering what they think, what they value, what they care about enough to stand up for, and so on. And when you can know a person that well, and when you can fully accept them just as they are (warts and all) without trying to change anything about them, that is real love.
In its purest form, love is agape: the love of the mother for her child. Always accepting, always nurturing, always supporting, always selfless (because, in the end, the good mother loves her children enough to endure the pain of letting them go). You can argue that applying this kind of ‘pure’ love to any other relationship is unhealthy (I would argue that, anyway) but, as a parent, that is what you aspire to. Many of us don’t get there.
One other thing: I have always agreed with psychologist Eric Fromm who argued in The Art of Loving that love is not simply a vague and pleasant, fuzzy, warm feeling. “Love” is a verb; it is something you actively do.
According to Fromm, active love consists of care, responsibility, respect and knowledge. That is, when you love somebody, you care about and for them, you are responsive to them (both verbally and non-verbally), you respect them and, very fundamentally, you work continually to know them. All of this is work, actually, but it makes for a much more profound relationship than the sort of infatuation that most people refer to when they talk of being “in love” with somebody.
Those are my thoughts … or, at least, some of them.
I don’t think that people are capable of love.
Humanity is the only beast that walks upon this world that can experience greed. We always want the best, we never want anything less… you can feel a large amount of affection for someone, and you can feel like you would do anything for them, but you wouldn’t.
TO ‘feel like you love someone’ is not the same as actually ‘loving someone’. I myself have never experienced ‘loving someone’, enough though I may say so. It feels like it could be called love, but it isn’t.
Love is like an undying will to protect someone. To love someone, you would not have to die for them, but rather, live so that you can continue protecting them.
Love is acceptance, to truly feel that there is nothing more perfect in the world than the thing you love. It is a mother’s affection for her child.
Love is giving up everything you have in exchange for something else. You would be willing to take all the torture, and give away everything you had in life, if only you could get that thing back.
Love isn’t saying “I want to marry you” or “Let’s get engaged”, or even “I love you”.
Love is the purest form of insanity.
What we people think of as love is not love at all; It is affection and empathy. When combined, they will seem to reflect the kind of emotions read in books, but in all honestly, it isn’t love.
Love, I suppose, is the one thing in life that can never be achieved.
Love is not a simple word of thought. Dealing with humans, Mom just about covered everything… there is still non-human love. What about the love of doing something or creating. Look at an artist or writer for example. Ever hear the phrase ‘ I Love my job’? Maybe in some cases, it is true. Love is putting your heart and soul into something. I love working on computers and some times I want to toss the computer out the window, but I still love working on them. Love is the strongest bond known to man and the most confusing to as well.
When does love start? When do you realize love? What is love? As many people on the planet is how many ans you will have. Love is different for each and every one of us.
I see love as creation and inner peace where as hate is destruction and chaos. In order to know and have love, you must also have to know and have hate…one can not exist w/o the other….
I will agree with Mom… ‘the love of the mother for her child’ is the best ans for what is love….
(Hope that was not confusing…)
Love for the significant other- The desire to try and impress the other. To compare them to others and always seeing the positive of the lover. Removal of their presence feels like a hole has been dug into a person’s heart feeling empty. To want to be with them through thick and thin. Having the ability to not be ashamed of the other regardless of situation. Able to talk about anything any time. Able to trust. Finally, if one was dying, with their last thought, they can say they were truly happy to be with that person.
If you want family love just say so. =p lol
Well, I didn’t really go as in depth in my opinion because I’m just a lame ass, so let me try again.
I agree with you, Mom, on how if you truly love something, even if you fight with them and treat them like crap, you’ll still be there for them in the end. There are different kinds of love (which I don’t feel like going into at the moment, but they pretty much go with that Greek way of thinking)
So, like I said before, when I say “I love you”, I’m saying “You are someone who is precious to me, and I accept you for who you are. I’ll support you in any way that I can.”
It’s one reason why I don’t believe in the whole love at first sight. A stranger can’t be all that important to you. You need to, not only care about them on a higher degree, you need to also trust them and that they’ll return that kind of loyalty.
A lot of that importance also comes from need. You need that person for one reason or another, whether it be for support, for guidance, for anything.
So that’s the gist of my opinion.
Wow, what an in depth discussion. I realy like your mothers way of putting, it, but at the same time I don’t think kimmie is wrong either. I think love is completly dependant on the person. Our capacity for love is based on the structure of our hearts. Like how some clay pots are formed for holding water, and others merely for decoration. At the same time I don’t think anyone is incapable of loving, just that some people may need to make a change, or encounter some force (such as a form of admiration for somone, opening up to ideas) before loving. In this way love is the philia agape and eros. You can only measure somones love by its relivence to your own way of feeling (unless you have an extreme sensitivity to others feelings) That was my stupid opinion. I like your mothers much better, more poetic.
I have a funny way of thinking about love at first sight. I actually “believe” in it, but only because there is definitely attraction (lust) at first sight, and sometimes people are lucky enough to find that there is more and better after that. Those people can claim love at first sight, and I’ll let ‘em. More power to them.
Love is the irrational/emotional part of the Big Three of interaction: Logic (”liking” someone/having fun with them), Physical Attraction (”wanting” someone), and Emotion (”loving” someone). I am bowled over by love sometimes–I’m a way more logical/rational person, so when I give myself permission to set my brain aside, I feel truly overwelming amounts of love for family and friends and, well, loved ones. The best, giddiest feeling is when all of the Big Three align with one person. Now, THAT’s real, uh, love.