All About G

Dear Regina,

CONGRATULATIONS! It is indeed a pleasure to welcome you as a ‘State Finalist’ for the title of MISS NEW YORK TEEN USA. Just imagine, you could be out next representative in the MISS TEEN USA PAGEANT where you would be in a top rated national television production on NBC, where you could appear with some of the television’s greatest celebrities.

You will arrice on Friday, November 24, 2006 at the Crowne Plaza Albany, New York for a fabulous fun filled weekend. For your pageant stay, you will be assigned a roomate to share a room. The pageant will make your reservations and pay for your room for pageant weekend of November 24, 25th, 26th, 2006. If you have any question whatsoever, please do not hesitate to conact us at _____ (respect of privacy). Just to be a part of such an extraordinary event as this pageant will be a worthwhile endeavor, and you should be proud of your determination and achievement.

I…

got…

ACCEPTED!

YES I DID IT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! IT’S ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE Nothing can ruin my day now, nothing

Now the only thing I have to do is come up with $1000 in 30 days and I’ll be all set! I’m going to start looking for sponsors and get a job at the club. I heard from a friend that they pay pretty decently. And hey why not? Every little bit with help alot.

FUCKING YES

I want to be a soccer player. My dream is to have my friends and family watch me win the World Cup or the Gold medal in the Olympics. In the pst, I didn’t do much to stay in shape, and altough I’m pretty active, I didn’t work to inprove my endurance and speed. The summer before I made varisty (‘05), I only tried jogging a mile ONCE. I couldn’t even make it half a mile before I was keeling over, out of breath.

A couple of days ago I went to Syracuse with my mom. I was going on a college tour (syracuse univiersity – orangemen!) while my mom had to attend the WISE Conference. And since I didn’t have to go to the college until the afternoon (we got there at around 7AM) I got to sit with my mom and listen to a few of the opening speeches. The last one I listened to is the one that I’ll always remember.

He’s the coach of the men’s and women’s soccer teams for the Tar Heels (university of North Carolina). His name? Anson Dorrance. He talk to us about how we shouldn’t only settle for mediocracy, and how we should aim towards the sky. He told us a story:

One early morning, Anson was driving. He pulled over and saw, in the morning fog, one of his players from the women’s team running. She had cones set up and she was sprinting around them and such. She didn’t have any idea he was watching. She continued to run until she bent over, panting heavily, appearing to be struggling to even stand where she was. He stood for a second watchin her bent over, then got into his car and left. She never knew he was there. But that player, Mia was her name, continued to push herself and do great things.

I heard that story, and I realized some things: Even the greatest players had to start somewhere. I may have talent and potential, but in order for me to get better I need to hone that talent. I can’t just sit around and expect to be the best. I have to work for this. And if Mia Hamm can do it, then I can too.

So, yesterday (4/12) I was chilling afterschool, majorly bored. So I decided to grab my “brother” Derek, and make him practice passing the ball with me. I had dinner then I decided to go to the park. I came across my coach and the U12 (12 and under) team, and watched them for a little while. I began across to the other side of the field to passing some shooting and then play basketball. “On second thought…”

I turned around and punted my ball towards the path where I had come from, safely away from the other soccer balls that were from the soccer team. The I walked back across the field, turning towards the nature trail. I paused at the front for only a second before beginning to jog down the trail.

Because I’m so not in shape it isn’t even funny, I expected to fall over by the 1/2 mile mark like before. But, to my amazment, I ran two miles (twice around the trail) before deciding to stop. I felt so surprised and pleased with myself, I was in a good mood for the rest f the night. Me, not even in shape, easily ran two miles when about a year ago, I couldn’t even run 1/2 a mile. Now, I’m determined to run at least one every day except saturday (rest day, but then again I’ll end up running then to) and except days when I have practice. Like tonite, I have soccer practice, so I’m not going to run, but I will tomtorrow.

But for once in a long, long time, I’m happy with myself. And that’s something I wouldn’t mind feeling everyday of my life.

I wonder if Steve still hates trees? And I wonder if Andy still almost dies?

Yea, questions like these are coming up while I’m reminiscing in my wasted couple years of complete stupiditiy and immaturity. It’s gotten me thinking about plenty of things, like the decisons I’ve made and where’s it’s brought me.

Looking back on it all, and seeing how far I’ve come, along with everyone else I know, it’s pretty amazing. Sixteen years, a junior getting ready to become a senior… soon I’ll be thinking of prom, college tours, trips, and graduation, when it seems like it was only yesterday when I was going through the big move (from downstate to up here), only yesterday when I began developing interests in boys other that the myth that they all have “cooties.” I’ve been through so much joy, so much pain. But, whether it be good or bad, it all contributes to my learning what to expect and prepare for. Sometimes, the pain may be almost overwhelming, like you’ve seen in previous entries (anger, depression is when I am hurt). Some things are over, like that episode with Andy, that’s over. Some things are only just starting, like my relationship with my father, and what that will become of it (we’ve been fighting more latley, and slowly, a barrier is beginning to thicken between us). Though these experiences I’d rather not want to deal with, they help me develop courage, passion, and strength, my rare courage and strength (from here, the last three paragraphs), which I sometimes doubt, my passion which I sometimes do not understand.

It won’t be long from now when I’ll be wearing the gown, throwing my cap into the air with my classmates, screaming with joy and clutching my diploma close to my heart. Sometimes I can imagine that moment: it will almost be magical.

But what about after high school? I have plans: I want to go to either Ithaca or Syracuse and major Athletic Training and/or Physical Education with a minor in coaching. Will I be able to get into Ithaca (1st choice) without too much trouble? Am I’m smart enough? Am I good enough? Will I have the money? And why am I worrying about these things now when I still have a year and change left. It’s funny that I’m fretting so much when I still have alot of time left before I really do have to be an adult and going out ito the harsh world more or less alone.

I still find it amazing, me, my friends, everyone: we’ve all grown up and come what seems like so far in this life journey or our own. But I know that we all still have quite a ways to go. We’ve still got our goals and dreams to try and accomplish, and our plans for what we do afterwards. We still have to look foward to the true coming of age, which comes at different times for everyone. We still have to wait for the years after college, when we must truely grow up and be adult, deciding what exactly to do with our life. We still have to deal with our mid-life crisis, and I know for a fact that that’s a LONG way ahead.

Ahead… looking foward. Seeing what’s in the present and the future. Not dwelling on the past…

I think that’s something I should start doing. There’s nothing I can do to change the past, though I wish I could. I’m pretty sure everyone does. There are things, people, friendships from before, some not too long ago, some from when I was little, places I know I will probably never see r experience again. Those things I will miss with all my being, but there isn’t anything I can do now to bring them back. I can, however, keep them with me in my heart and mind forever (or at least however long my memory lasts). There are dreams and fantasies I have which I will keep. There’s the love I recieve from my family (most of the time) and friends which I’ll never forget, especially the love and support I got from those closest to me, like Mom, and like Kasedy. Those people I will never forget.

Right now at this very moment, I’m crying. I don’t know what for. My heart feels… I don’t know… amazingly full… overflowing even. I feel full of warmth. I feel safe and protected. I think… I think I feel happy. I’ve grown up so much from the little girl I used to be. I’ve done some bad things, and made some major mistakes, but I’ve also learned. I’ve become wise in my experiences, and I’ve discovered everything I can about myself, thing that nobody would probably ever know, or ever will find out. I feel like… almost like a flower, blooming in full, colors glowing with everything that is me. And to think, I’m not even halfway done with this life of mine. What will I do, once I’m set out into this world? When will I know my purpose, and will I perform it as best as I can?

I think about these things and more. What will happen when I die? Will I just come back again, reincarnated as another person? Will I have the gifts I have now? Will I move on to an afterlife? What will that be like? Will it be like Heaven? Will it bee like Hell? Will it be my dreams and fantasies come true? Or will I be cast into a black void?

What am I looking foward to?

Experience. Wisdom. Purpose. Answers. Knowledge. Courage, and strength. Life here and beyond. Fulfilling my duty here, then finally resting in peace.

Eternity.

These things, I will look ahead for. And I will embrace them with open arms.

R – u r beautiful
E – You are popular with all types of people.
G – You are friendly and understanding
I – Love is something you deeply believe in.
N – You can be very “FUN” (in BED)
A – You always want some action.

I think it’s true wink.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I know it’s something really stupid to say, but I just have to say it. I think a bunch of guys like me. This is where a small dilemma comes in. I think I’m starting to like one guy (no names, and not telling anyone either) again. I don’t know if this guy likes me back. So I’m waiting. Meanwhile, a few other guys want to go out with me, but I’m not sure if I’d prefer being friends with them or not. Some guy I know FOR A FACT that I don’t want to go out with them, but there are a couple others that I’m not so sure. Cause some moments I like them, but sometimes I only like them as a friend. And then there’s the other guy. So, what’s a girl to do? So many guys, so little… me? rolls eyes nevermind. Anyway, what’s a girl to do? I guess I’ll just continue being me, and hope that it doesn’t cause too many problems evil grin

Top 10 Things I Have Learned from Being 16:

10.) Getting a permit isn’t all that hard to do once you’ve gotten all the paperwork out of the way.
9.) My father is a side seat driver T_T
8.) Brian is thankful for my help.
7.) Permits cost alot of freakin money.
6.)Andy’s attempting to socialize with me for some obscure reason _’ oy.
5.) I’m not as rusty at driving as I thought I would be. Actually it’s pretty fun… I’m still working on a comfortable driving technique (where I put my hands on the steering wheel).
4.) Steve still happens to be MIA… T_T I think he’ll be MIA forever, or until I drag his lazy ass over here to find out what’s been going on with him.
3.) Alot of people liked my performance at the Dome on Saturday, and tell me I have a beautiful voice. It’s awesome. Oh yea, and we’re going to State finals.
2.) Being 16 is VERY different from being 15 but…
1.) ... The things I want at the moment haven’t changed And neither have I.

Thanks for wishing me a Happy Birthday!

***Quick tidbit of news – I MADE IT I FREAKIN’ MADE IT I MADE IT TO ALL-COUNTY YEEEEEEES

Yes! Today was my 16th birthday!

About freakin’ time!

After I was continuously embarrased by some people (no names) singing happy birthday to me, I left the school at 9:45 to take my permit test. We jumped through a hell of alot of hoops and finally got the money to pay for everything… $75 to be exact. Anyways, I took the test once, and me, being the cocky lil girl I am, zoomed through the thing without even looking at the questions and ended up failing it, lmao.

Me and Mom reviewed the test and the questions I got wrong. Boy did I feel like an idiot after that.

Anyway, I took the test a second time, and didn’t rush through it. I took my time and read every qeustion and the answers before I made a choice. This time, I passed the test with only two wrong questions. I got to drive back up to the school, beaming with pride lol.

After school I walked home, and chilled, then drove Dad out to the store twice, and alot of poeple told me happy birthday. I feel special.

It was fun, very fun. And I’m not done yet. Lol, this birthday celebration’s lasting two freakin’ weeks! Well… that’s only because we couldn’t go downstate this weekend and had to postpone it to next weekend. But all in all I can’t wait

I love you all and thanks for the attention you gave me today! I feel so much better than I have been.

But I did. Today was a very awesome day.

I woke up, freshened up, and me and my mom and Brian left for Syracuse for the state semi-final match for football.

Normally I wouldn’t have been able to go, but I was very lucky enough to have been chosen to sing the Star Spangled Banner for our kick-ass team. I had to stand in front of the Sidney supporters, and I tell you there were a whole lot of them, holy crap. Like, a few hundred at the most o_O I was so nervous. In the middle of my performance, my right leg started wobbling and threatening to give out on me. I was thinking DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE GIVE OUT ME ON NOW while singing this. But I did a really good job. And least, that’s what everyone else says. I heard myself singing, and it didn’t have much of a delay, thank god, and it sounded pretty good. Megan Newell video-taped it, and I think she was going to give it to Mrs. Olsen to show the class on Monday. I wanna hear what I sounded like. I’m also going to ask for a copy. Teisha, who has never been in chorus, said my performance gave her goosebumps, and almost made her cry. I was like… wow. That was amazing.

And the Sidney Warriors kicked all kinds of ass today, winning 22-28. HELLS FUCKING YEA I was screaming so much now my throat kills. THat’s not stopping me from screaming though.

THe only downside to this day is that I think Brian’s grounded for life Don’t ask.

Two more days

~*Gina*~