History repeated itself, as usual.
I just found out that I didn’t make cuts. And it’s probably because of the EXACT same thing that happened when I tried out back in high school; I did good with EVERYTHING ELSE, and then I served horribly.
I don’t get it. I didn’t feel all that nervous once I got warmed up. And usually I have a really good, consistent serve.
NOT TONIGHT! It was so off I was about ready to kill someone, preferably myself, I felt so retarded, and I had a need to disappear. Better to commit suicide than homicide, because you can’t go to jail if you’re already dead.
Gawd, it ticks me off so freakin’ much. So folks, I officially have NOTHING to do for the year. No track, because I work at games on the weekends, which will OBVIOUSLY conflict with meets. No club soccer, because I didn’t make cuts. No club volleyball, because I didn’t make cuts. Intramurals isn’t competitive enough to actually be any fun.
I’m going to be so depressed by the time winter break comes up.
If you all couldn’t tell, I’m very mad. I’m done writing this post. Bye.
(Dad should especially read this, and maybe take my advice, or I’ll smack him)
Today, in General Psychology, we were discussing a little bit of brain chemistry. We went over the anatomy of a neuron (old knowledge—booooooring), and we went over several neurotransmitters in the brain.
Now, it just so happens that we went over dopamine and serotonin, and I learned some interesting things about them.
One of the more obviously facts about both would be that a shortage in dopamine and/or serotonin results in various problems, one of them being depression. There are difference with each of them, of course; serotonin regulates sleep and mood (insomnia is a result of a shortage in serotonin). Dopamine regulates motivation, the reward system (‘If I do this, I get this for it’), movement, and cognition. Since a shortage in either results in depression, would it be possible to have a educated guess as to which neurotransmitter is being under-produced by looking at the symptoms that come along with depression? For example, for a depressed person who has extra trouble sleeping might have low levels of serotonin in their brain.
That’s not the only thing I’ve pondered. I also learned today that a decrease in serotonin leads to sadness, anxiety, food cravings, aggression and depresson.
You’re probably wondering why I emphasized the food cravings in that last paragraph. During discussion, my professor told us that the body will crave foods that contain nutrients which will increase the level of serotonin in the brain. I looked up those foods—both for serotonin and dopamine—and here’s what I found.
Foods that can increase serotonin levels: chicken, turkey, tuna, salmon, kidney beans, rolled oats, lentils, chicken peas, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, baked potatoes (with the skin), tahini (sesame butter), walnuts, avocados, almond butter, complex carbs (meaning fibers, not starches) a variety of fresh fruits and vegetables, and a ton of water.
Foods that can increase dopamine levels: almonds, avocados, bananas, dairy products, lima beans, pumpkin seeds, sesame seeds, and ESPECIALLY fruits and vegetables (because it turns out that dopamine is very easily oxidized, and fruits and veggies, which are high in antioxidants, protect the dopamine from those nasty free radicals that roam the body and try to mess with your system).
I also read that eating simple sugars, like candies, processed foods, etc, saturated fats (animal fats), cholesterol, and refined foods interfere with brain function. Another thing to avoid would be caffeine. In a sense, it’s kind of not surprising, because all of those things mess with the rest of our bodies, so why not the brain too?
Can anyone raise their hand and tell me what those foods have in common?
Vitamins, antioxidants, monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats, along with a smaller “dosage” of saturated fats (because it’s a fact that poultry, such as chicken and turkey, are in fact healthier than beef and pig). Good job to those of you that actually tried to guess without looking at the answers.
This brings me to a theory… a hypothesis (because I’ve yet to hear if this has been tested). If clinical depression, or even depression, is caused by a low level of serotonin and/or dopamine, would it be entirely possibly to reverse the effects, and possibly even cure it, by doing something as simple as changing one’s diet, instead of prescribing to them drugs that enhance the brain’s chemistry?
Let’s use my dad as an example, because he is conveniently at the forefront of my mind, and the only person I can think of who is clinically depressed. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone in as bad a funk as my dad. He’ll deny it to you, he’ll say “Oh I’m doing fine.” In reality he’s not. For a while, he was taking Zoloft, and all was good and well.
But, for a while, he’s been off Zoloft, because we haven’t been able to afford the prescriptions (there were like, $80 per refill or something ridiculous like that). And he’s back down in that horrific funk (and then, don’t let him fool you—he may act like everything’s fine and dandy, but before he got this bad, he wasn’t living in his office save for the few moments he’d emerged to go to the bathroom or get food, and the few hours he’d go to his room to go sleep).
There are reasons why his serotonin levels are low; for the sake of his privacy, I won’t go into specifics. But his lifestyle habits contributed very nicely.
Now, let’s look at my dad’s habits;
– he smokes, which in itself is horrible (and he has yet to do
ANYTHING about quitting, ahem ahem).
– He drinks a
TON of caffeine. I’ve honestly never seen him drink an actual glass of water. When he’s not drinking coffee, he’s drinking Coca Cola, and when he’s not drinking Coca Cola, he’s drinking coffee. In between this is the occasional (more like rare) glass of milk, and every now and then a shot or two of liquor.
– He eats like crap. When he actually eats, he eats more meat than plants, and he eats a lot of pasta (which is actually a simple carb, which means it’s a starch instead of a fiber). I don’t really see him eat a lot of fruits, and he does eat veggies, but again, the majority of what you see on his plate is meat. He has an affinity for beef, too, I might add, and when he’s giving a choice of meat, will usually pick that. He’s tried to get me off of his back about his eating habits by buying these boxes turnovers, but upon looking at the ingredients, I found that they were more processed than anything, and had more
trans fats (trans fats = cholesterol) than anything I’ve yet to see (5g to be exact).
– He has a bad habit of bottling up his emotions and problems (though I’m not too much better), and is usually always tense with stress. I’ve never
ever seen him do anything to try and relax, and no, Dad, watching anime and reading manga does
NOT calm the mind. I’m talking about meditation, exercise, things related to that.
– He isn’t anywhere as social as he needs to be, and believe or not, but social relationships can impact a person’s health, physical mental or emotional. He’s barely social; he doesn’t even really interact with us, his family. As I said before, he’s hiding in his world, his office.
While I have no idea if he’d be willing to actually do this, because he’s said that he’d try something, tried it for about a week and then went back to his old ways, but if he changed his lifestyle around—changed his little, went out a little more, engaged his mind more, and talked to people—chances are, his condition would get better.
But here’s the thing, and this is the problem with EVERYBODY. They will usually only keep these lifestyle changes until they feel that “everything’s better” and then revert back to their old habits.
Unfortunately, folks, this isn’t that case. These changes are PERMANENT. If you ate more serotonin-rich foods and got rid of your depression by increasing you serotonin levels, chances are that when you stop eating those foods, your serotonin levels won’t be sustained and therefore will decline.
So, Dad, this is how it goes. You want to stop being depressed, no? If you don’t, you have a LOT of things to change. Start off by ceasing with the waste of your money to buy soda that really isn’t necessary. Honestly, I don’t care if it’s a “treat”. It isn’t even a treat. You always have Coca Cola. Treats are occasionally, not every day. Drink more water. Go on more walks. STOP READING SO MUCH MANGA AND WATCHING SO MUCH ANIME. Come out of your office every once in a while, and talk to us, and I mean talk as in having intelligent conversations (like talking seriously about hyper-extending knees instead of talking about aliens). Stimulating your brain will help too. Stop eating such crappy food, and eat more healthy, organic foods. For example, replace those shit apple turnovers with real apples. And if you’re worried about the kids eating them, then keep the apples in your office. Simple as that.
If you need to go someplace not all that far away, then walk, or bike, instead of using the car. QUIT SMOKING. And you absolutely have to continue drinking water, eating more greens, walking instead of driving, and etc. Even after you feel better (if you feel better… this is still only an experiment). Going back to your old habits will only pull you back down in to depression, because your serotonin transmitters are so fucked up, they can’t continue to maintain those levels of serotonin without help.
So, questions, comments, thought? Leave a comment. Let’s start a second intelligent discussion. And for the record, that one before it, about the knees, is still open fr discussion of anyone has a thought to add.
That’s what I’m feeling right about now, though Mom told me over AIM about 10 minutes ago to “not panic”. I’m not panicking right now; I’m just feeling doubtful that I won’t be able to do what I want to do.
‘Well, what is it that you want to do?’ you might ask. Maybe too much.
I want to graduate with a B.S. in Athletic Training (maybe I might try to get a M.S. too, if I have the money), and use that background in sports medicine when (if) I go to med school and specialize in Orthopedic medicine. I want to be an orthopedist who can competently and specifically help athletes with injuries.
Of course, at this point, I’m behind in the AT program; I started out here at IC a HPPE (Health Promotion and Physical Education) major, and a ton of the things I took for that program don’t carry over in the requirements for this one. In the AT program, you immediately start out in your freshman year with the specific curriculum. And for the pre-med program, I still need to take a year of biology, a year of physics, and two years of chemistry, both general and organic.
It’s already certain that I won’t have the time for these pre-med courses, since I’m barely going to have the time for the AT requirements; in order to graduate on time I need to take two required courses this winter, and since the cost of doing just that is near $4,500, it looks like I’m going to graduate a semester late (and that’s if we can afford it… if I recall, they stop financially aiding you once your 4 years are up).
Not just that, but in order for me to become an ATC (Athletic Trainer Certified), I need to take the national exam to get my license… and will a B.S. be enough? Or will I need to go to graduate school and get my M.S. too?
In between doing that, getting a job, and then preparing for the MCAT, I need to get those pre-med required courses, which I’ll have to take either during the summers between now and when I graduate or after I graduate and get a job. Will I get a good enough job to afford those credits? Not to mention paying for practically everything when taking the MCAT, applying under the AMCAS and then twice more under the individual med schools, along with going to interviews should I get accepted…
And this isn’t half of what I’m a little worried about. Specifically, grades. What if I don’t do good enough and then get rejected from med school?
All of this is probably unnecessary stress and all, but, looking at what appears to be the odds (academic performance, money, and time, specifically) that are stacked against me and my goal, it kind of looks like it won’t happen in the end.
You can probably tell that I’ve run out of ideas for my post titles… kinda sad isn’t it?
Anyway, time to talk. You know that feeling when there’s some sort of pressure bearing down on your head? It makes it feel like your brain weighs a million pounds? Like a headache without the ache? I don’t know if I’m the only one who feels like that when I’m depressed, but that’s what I’m feeling.
Eh, I wouldn’t exactly say I’m depressed. I think I’m more simply exhausted. A ton of stuff happened the past couple of days, and I will now tell you about it.
There’s a guy I know. For the sake of his privacy I won’t say his name. But anyway, he’s dating a chick who treats him horribly, plus he’s whipped. Why is he dating her? I don’t feel like telling you, but anyway I hate his girlfriend because she’s a bitch basically and she rules his life. And no, I’m not making shit up about her because I’m jealous and want her to look bad. I may be jealous, but she really does treat him like crap. Because of her, neither me nor Kasedy nor Josh have had a chance to chill with this guy. He practically ditched us/blew us off because she told him he “couldn’t go hang out.” He was furious that she said that, we could all tell, but he still listened to her.
Now, if I had a boyfriend telling me I can and can’t do things, I’ll smack him and tell him to go find his little brother to boss around or something, because I don’t need it.
But anyway, yea, we were all very furious with him after that. And last night he called me. From what I could hear, it sounded like he was pissed at her and she was pissed at him, and he wanted out. Unfortunately, we all decided not to chill so he’s stuck there… well, was… he’s probably working now. I don’t know… I am still mad at him, but I really do want to hang out with him. He’s crazy, so crazy he defines “life of the party.” I’ve known that kid for years, and when I mean years, I mean like, nearly the amount of time I’ve lived up here in Sidney. About 7 years methinks I’ve known him, and I’ve lived here for nearly 10.
Other not-so-important things happened. But I have to go and grab food before lab (I’m in Binghamton right at this very moment taking a class). Maybe another time I’ll tell you about it.
Coach hates me… or something. I’ve also learned that she is kind of spiteful.
I suppose it was my fault. I didn’t realize the meet this weekend was going to be on Sunday. Until yesterday, I could have sworn it was a Saturday. So I had to let Coach know today that I couldn’t compete because I was in a dance performance.
Well, sorry for not dedicating my life to track.
Anyway, she feels that track is more important than this dance performance, even though I have to be in it. And that wasn’t even the only thing.
She freakin’ scratched me from the 100 today because I “didn’t warm up enough.”
Okay. Back in high school, I never warmed up for anything. And I get injured more here than I did back on the high school track team. And when I do warm up, it only takes me around 15-20 minutes, and since I ran in a relay previous to what was supposed to be my dash, I was already warm, so I didn’t need more than 10 minutes. Sorry Coach; you may have needed an hour, but I don’t need more than 20 minutes to warm up.
So, this is the outcome of this glorious fucking day; she’s pissed at me; she said “I was so excited about your 200 time that I was gonna take you to Penn Relays, but now I need to think about it… I need to figure our your future on the team.”
So, because I didn’t warm up because I didn’t need to, and because I have a life outside of track, I’m possibly gonna get booted off of the team? The one message that came to me throughout the whole thing was that she thinks I’m not committed enough to the team. That pisses me off more than anything in the world. What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I’ve been to as many practices as I could go to, I’ve been to every meet I was supposed to compete in. I’ve trained and tried to figure out a way to get faster, I’ve been injured and haven’t said anything about it so I could continue to do what she wanted me to do. Like, for instance, my back is painfully out. It’s been out for a few days. I still ran and jumped. Plus I jumped even after my knees started to hurt. How is that NOT committed?
Whatever. I’ll come back next fall whether she fucking likes it or not.
This is so fucking ironic; I finally get serious about something, only to get that thing possibly taken away from me.
And people wondered why I’ve always been so afraid to take a risk and get serious about something and strive to achieve a goal; because I FAIL in the end, no matter what I do.