All About G

I didn’t make it this year… again.

My play seemed really good during the scrimmage, and I had a ton of really good shots during the shooting drills, so I have no clue what it is I need to work on. :sigh: I’m gonna email the coach and see.

Maybe I’ll make it next year :rolls eyes:

Comments (0) Aug 30 2008

Ever have one of those days where you’re in a good mood but depressed at the same time?

Yea, I’m having one of those days. Today was a really good day, aside from the couple of arguments I got in to. But on the other hand I’m also depressed because I’m leaving home again. I really don’t want my summer to end, because it feels like I still have a million things to do before I headed back to IC. Not to mention the fact that I just don’t want to go.

Not much I can do about that, unfortunately, except deal with it. It’s either that, or forget about my education, and that’s the last thing I want to do.

Anyway, I have to go finish packing my things. So to everyone here in Sidney, I’ll be seeing you around.

Comments (0) Aug 24 2008

You can probably tell that I’ve run out of ideas for my post titles… kinda sad isn’t it?

Anyway, time to talk. You know that feeling when there’s some sort of pressure bearing down on your head? It makes it feel like your brain weighs a million pounds? Like a headache without the ache? I don’t know if I’m the only one who feels like that when I’m depressed, but that’s what I’m feeling.

Eh, I wouldn’t exactly say I’m depressed. I think I’m more simply exhausted. A ton of stuff happened the past couple of days, and I will now tell you about it.

There’s a guy I know. For the sake of his privacy I won’t say his name. But anyway, he’s dating a chick who treats him horribly, plus he’s whipped. Why is he dating her? I don’t feel like telling you, but anyway I hate his girlfriend because she’s a bitch basically and she rules his life. And no, I’m not making shit up about her because I’m jealous and want her to look bad. I may be jealous, but she really does treat him like crap. Because of her, neither me nor Kasedy nor Josh have had a chance to chill with this guy. He practically ditched us/blew us off because she told him he “couldn’t go hang out.” He was furious that she said that, we could all tell, but he still listened to her.

Now, if I had a boyfriend telling me I can and can’t do things, I’ll smack him and tell him to go find his little brother to boss around or something, because I don’t need it.

But anyway, yea, we were all very furious with him after that. And last night he called me. From what I could hear, it sounded like he was pissed at her and she was pissed at him, and he wanted out. Unfortunately, we all decided not to chill so he’s stuck there… well, was… he’s probably working now. I don’t know… I am still mad at him, but I really do want to hang out with him. He’s crazy, so crazy he defines “life of the party.” I’ve known that kid for years, and when I mean years, I mean like, nearly the amount of time I’ve lived up here in Sidney. About 7 years methinks I’ve known him, and I’ve lived here for nearly 10.

Other not-so-important things happened. But I have to go and grab food before lab (I’m in Binghamton right at this very moment taking a class). Maybe another time I’ll tell you about it.

Comments (2) Jul 09 2008

Coach hates me… or something. I’ve also learned that she is kind of spiteful.

I suppose it was my fault. I didn’t realize the meet this weekend was going to be on Sunday. Until yesterday, I could have sworn it was a Saturday. So I had to let Coach know today that I couldn’t compete because I was in a dance performance.

Well, sorry for not dedicating my life to track.

Anyway, she feels that track is more important than this dance performance, even though I have to be in it. And that wasn’t even the only thing.

She freakin’ scratched me from the 100 today because I “didn’t warm up enough.”

Okay. Back in high school, I never warmed up for anything. And I get injured more here than I did back on the high school track team. And when I do warm up, it only takes me around 15-20 minutes, and since I ran in a relay previous to what was supposed to be my dash, I was already warm, so I didn’t need more than 10 minutes. Sorry Coach; you may have needed an hour, but I don’t need more than 20 minutes to warm up.

So, this is the outcome of this glorious fucking day; she’s pissed at me; she said “I was so excited about your 200 time that I was gonna take you to Penn Relays, but now I need to think about it… I need to figure our your future on the team.”

So, because I didn’t warm up because I didn’t need to, and because I have a life outside of track, I’m possibly gonna get booted off of the team? The one message that came to me throughout the whole thing was that she thinks I’m not committed enough to the team. That pisses me off more than anything in the world. What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I’ve been to as many practices as I could go to, I’ve been to every meet I was supposed to compete in. I’ve trained and tried to figure out a way to get faster, I’ve been injured and haven’t said anything about it so I could continue to do what she wanted me to do. Like, for instance, my back is painfully out. It’s been out for a few days. I still ran and jumped. Plus I jumped even after my knees started to hurt. How is that NOT committed?

Whatever. I’ll come back next fall whether she fucking likes it or not.

This is so fucking ironic; I finally get serious about something, only to get that thing possibly taken away from me.

And people wondered why I’ve always been so afraid to take a risk and get serious about something and strive to achieve a goal; because I FAIL in the end, no matter what I do.

Comments (1) Apr 22 2008

As if I didn’t have enough crap to deal with.

So, there’s pressure for me to take a summer class. Well… I don’t have much of a choice. It’s either take that class, or forget about my AT major, and if that was the case, I might as well drop out and reapply as a freshman AGAIN. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to do this because apparently it’s harder to get aid for summer courses, and I really don’t want to take out another loan. We’re having enough money trouble as it is. And it doesn’t help that it’s about $1000 for this one course, and I may have to take the other ANP course too, which is another $1000. Really, how the hell are we supposed to pay for that??? Especially with the flood repairs that still need to be done on the house, not to mention the fact that don’t we still own IC like, $400, so I can’t go back for my sophomore year? Plus there’s the car, and then there’s medical/dental stuff that needs to get taken care of…

Which leads me to my next thing; my clavicle. For all you retards who don’t know what the clavicle is, it’s your collarbone. After searching my archives, I’ve come to the conclusion that no, I didn’t inform anyone who reads this about it. So I’ll briefly inform you. My left clavicle, about a year ago (it happened last March… early March methinks), bent for an unknown reason. At the time it was hurting, I had to have it in a sling. I was gonna get referred, but I never was… stupid doctor… anyway, over time it stopped hurting. This lasted over the summer and a good ways into this semester. Now, though, it hurts. Not badly, but it’s tender, and it gets in the way of sleeping, sometimes track, lifting, and even sometimes it’ll just start randomly hurting and I won’t even be doing anything. I could be just sitting at my desk and reading or typing and it’ll start to hurt. I’ve given up trying to figure out the cause of this, but I’ve figured out that it’s looking like the only way to fix this would be to break my clavicle and reset it that way. And of all the things… I haven’t been to the hospital for any kind of emergency my whole life. I’ve never broken a bone. And now I have to do it on purpose?! COME THE FUCK ON. Having my bone INTENTIONALLY broken is one of the LAST things I’d want to do. Well… I suppose the only plus that comes out of this is that when they do it, they’ll knock me out cold with some drugs so I won’t feel it… initially. Guaranteed that I will most certainly be feeling it when I wake up. Of course, I have no idea when this is supposed to take place, because this will probably cost money… and at the moment, money is something we don’t have. So, forget fixing my clavicle, just like I may as well forget about getting braces too.

Oh, the sneakers I brought three weeks ago? There’s a tear. You would think RUNNING SNEAKERS could handle a game on indoor soccer, but I guess not. WTF. This was a waste of $20. I have no idea if the tear will turn into a hole, I don’t know how much more I can use them before they’re completely ruined. I don’t have the money to replace them; I still have to work on getting my dance costume together for the performance in a couple of weeks. What the hell am I supposed to do? Don’t even get me started on how the soccer game went…

And I don’t have the stuff needed to turn in for club soccer. I still owe them a pic, my signature, and $50. I have only one out of three of those things. :sigh: wtf… I don’t know. I really don’t.

I’m just tired of being here. I’m tired of all the work I have to put in. I’m tired of everything and I just want to come home, back to my comfortable bed, and the good/healthy food that I can actually eat. I want to play soccer or v-ball or anything with my friends Casey and Jess and Ethan. I want to kill demons of Nazis with my sister and whoever else wants to join us. But more than anything I just want to be home.

Comments (6) Apr 02 2008