So from what I’ve heard, World War VI was being waged at home between Kimmie, Dad, and Derek. Mom told me the whole story, and since she’s the neutral party (and the smartest out of all three of you, it seems), I’m going to go by what she said. And now, I’m going to tell everyone the solution to the problem. Because it’s everyone’s damned fault that this tiny thing got blown out of proportion, and it’s the fault of all parties involved because they’re too immature to use their brains every once in a while.
So, first off, Kimmie: Before I say anything else, I’m going to say this. I really don’t give two shits why you’re pissed and who you’re pissed off at. But unless you’re pissed off at me, don’t take your anger out on me. I’m stressed enough by work and school, and I really don’t need anyone bitching at me because they’re pissed at someone else. PS - Dad never “beat you”. He didn’t beat any of us. When we misbehaved, he’d spank us. It’s a form of positive punishment to discipline us to avoid doing bad things. If he really did beat us, we all would have been put in foster care a long time ago, if Mom didn’t divorce him and take us off to live as a true single mom before that.
Now, onto my message. Now, I don’t know if you think you’re not at fault or not, but I’m here to say that it’s your fault just as much as it is Dad’s fault and Derek’s fault. This is my observation, and don’t think like I’m attacking you or trying to hurt you. I’m pointing out something that you might not be aware of, so that in the future, you’ll know better. I noticed that, for all the stuff you say about Ricky and David being horrifically lazy and not pulling their weight around, you seem to be about ten times worse. Mom noticed this, and I do too, but you act like you’re exempt from doing any and all chores. You told me that the house isn’t yours, and you only sleep in your room, but you know, you also USE the bathroom, and you EAT the food and DIRTY the dishes in the kitchen. As a part of the family, and a part of the household, it’s out duty to pitch in and share the work equally. That means doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, and helping out with housework without complaint. If you don’t want to have to do any chores, move out of the house.
It’s not enjoyable, I understand; I’ve yet to meet anyone who actually likes cleaning their house, but it’s something that needs to be done. I know for a fact that you think Nat’s bedroom is disgusting. That’s because she doesn’t clean it. And that’s what our house (OUR house, yours too, because we all live in it) would look like if no body cleaned at all. So do your part; I mean, come on, since people have been maintaining it, when your turns comes up, it’ll be like a piece of cake. 15 minutes tops worth of work, if that much at all. It’s not that big of a deal, not to mention it helps you learn how to maintain your OWN household once you move out and go on your own. Hence why my dorm room isn’t a pigsty; I’ve learned how to maintain it by doing chores over the years.
Now, Derek… I’m pretty sure you remembered that huge fight we got into when Mom was in Spain? I’m letting you know, you did pretty much the same thing here. Look, I’ve said this before (though not in such a nice manner as I am now), but you really seriously need to stop butting into things that don’t involve you, and you need to stop acting like a parent. We have two of them already, and if you really want to boss a kid or two around, go get married and have some of your own. Kimmie hurt your feelings tonight because you butted into something that has nothing to do with you. Yes, I know that you had to do something that had to wait until after she did what she needed to do, but that’s not a good enough of a reason to butt in, ESPECIALLY when Dad is RIGHT THERE talking to her about the same thing. Also, when you get into a fight with someone, you have the unfortunate habit of being ridiculously spiteful, just like Dad (I thought I should point that out, you hypocrite). If you’re going to end up being spiteful and horrendously immature to the point where it makes me want to hang myself, you might as well do the mature thing and walk away from it. Better yet, don’t freakin’ say anything at all, unless you’re prepared to get hurt. In all honestly, after I heard what had happened, you deserved it, because you had no place to say anything at all.
Finally, Dad: I don’t know why you haven’t realized it, but when arguing with us kids, reverting yourself to a 10 year old never gets anything done. The big problem with you is that you have next to no patience whatsoever. And you don’t know how to keep your temper in check AT ALL. Especially when dealing with Kimmie. It’s almost like you’re convinced she’s a bad kid, and so you don’t bother having and patience with her. You need to stop letting her set you off, and you need to stop acting like she’s like a delinquent. When I was talking to you on Skype, at times you were doing that “I’m the victim” thing again. That’s something else you really seriously need to take care of as well. And, when you’re planning chores out, don’t keep Kimmie out of it. Just keep going under the assumption that she’ll do her part too. Because if you keep excluding her, then essentially you’re giving her what she wants: exemption from doing something that she should be required to do. Give me time (and Mom too if she’s going to talk to Kimmie). We’re working to help Kimmie with more important things. Don’t forget that she has some very serious issues that she needs to deal with. And it’s those issues that contribute to her being bratty and bitchy. Just keep it in mind.
One more thing; I don’t really know if you’ve figured it out, but did you ever notice that out of everyone in the family, Kimmie only treats Mom and I well? She gets on all the guy’s cases, not just you, but David and Ricky and Derek. Did you ever stop to think about why she seems to be holding a grudge against the males of the family? It’s because you don’t apologize sincerely. Or maybe you think you do, but to everyone else, you really don’t. Remember in my rants against you on here when I said that you never mean it when you’re sorry? That’s how Kimmie feels about your apology for what happened during the Filor-bitch episode. She feels like you didn’t mean it when you said sorry, she feels like you don’t care about her enough to care that what you did really hurt her, and she feels like you don’t care that you hurt her the way you did. If you want her to stop treating you so horribly (because you’re ALWAYS bitching about this to me), besides the fact that you need to STOP SNARLING the second you think someone’s done something wrong, but you have to apologize to her like you MEAN IT. Apologize to her like you’re about to die and that apology is the only thing that matters. And after that, you need to change how you deal with Kimmie. Have you figured out that yelling at her and snapping at her for every little thing accomplishes nothing? Probably not, which is why I’m telling you this. Instead of losing your patience with her every two damn seconds, when you’re confronting her, you need to stop, take a deep breath or five, and then talk to her in a calm and patient manner. You need to be more gentle with her instead of acting like she’s a criminal all the time. And don’t you dare bullshit and say that you do that already, because you sure as hell DON’T do that with anyone, except Mom. Kimmie’s very emotionally delicate, even though she hides it by being bitchy all the time. It doesn’t take much to hurt her (she shows it by being bitchy), especially if you simply do what Filor and everyone, including you, did, which was convince her that she’s a horrible person with no hope of changing. Think about that for a good chunk of time, and let it sink into that half-working brain of yours.
You need to understand this before you can make a sincere apology or help change the way you deal with her. You need to acknowledge that what happened when she was in 3rd grade wasn’t her fault, and the way she behaves now is partially your fault, like it is Mom’s, like it is Derek’s, and like it is the teachers and the teacher’s aides, and particularly Filor-bitch. Mom’s apologized to Kimmie, and she apologized from the bottom of her heart because she realized just how much she had hurt Kimmie. If you want Kimmie to literally stop hating her, you need to do the same thing Mom did. You need to it ten-fold because you were the most harsh on her out of the family. So think about that.
But before I do that, let’s get an update.
I don’t know how many of you know I use Twitter, but I do, and on it I said I was having payroll problems. Basically, I haven’t got my paycheck from last Friday, and no one knows where it is. What fun. I went down to the office about half an hour ago, and left them a message, because neither payroll coordinators were there… and I just got a phone call. They’re gonna try to sort this out. I really think any department on campus here involving money is full of retards.
On to the rant, because I need to get it off of my chest.
I think, after years of observation, especially as of late, my dad is all talk and no action. Plus he’s a spiteful jerk, but I’ll get to that later.
“What are you talking about?” you wonder.
Well, it’s kind of simple. He’ll say he really wants to do this, or he’ll promise he won’t do that. And then he’ll either not stay true to his word, or he’ll half ass it and then wonder why nothing’s working.
First example: Waaaaaaaay back, in 1998, when we first moved up here, Dad promised me “When we close on the house, I’ll work on qutting.”
We closed on the house that winter. Can anyone do the numbers and tell me how long that’s been?
For those of you who are retarded and fail at life, the answer is going on ten years. TEN YEARS, and he still chain smokes and buys at least a pack of cigarettes a day. That what, $14, being wasted on lung cancer. And he tells me, over and over and over again, “Oh, I’m working on it. I’ve cut down.” Or, “I’ll do it after this happens.” and he puts it off and he puts it off. What, Dad, do you REALLY want cancer that bad? Or do you really not care about that promise you made me. By all rights, I should go ahead and throw away any pack I see. We made a contract a couple of years ago saying that he’d work on quitting and be done by a certain date (that’s LONG GONE) and if he didn’t, I had the right to intervene and make his life miserable.
Next example: Dad tells me in one of my previous posts that he’s working slowly to fix his depression problem.
Well, that’s obviously bullshit too, because I’ve yet to see ANY changes in what you do. You still live in your office, you still eat like shit, you take horrible care of yourself, and you continue to rot your brain with anime and manga. I can’t even have an intelligent conversation with you. My proof? When we’re talking about knees and kinesiology, YOU talk about aliens. You never talk about anything like politics, or science. The only conversations we EVER get into involve the anime you’ve downloading and like and think I’d like too.
Congratulations. You’ve succeeded in making me lose all faith in you.
That’s not even that half of why I’m mad at him either… so now it’s time for my message to Dad.
Get this through your thick skull; you bitching about every little thing isn’t gonna do shit. Stop acting like everything’s on you, because it ISN’T. The rest of us are trying to take care of this in the ways that we can as well. Oh, and by the way, why do you THINK we’re in the situation we’re currently in.
When you bitch to me about how it’s all on you, it’s always on you, this and that, what am I supposed to do? Tell you it isn’t your fault? That would be a lie, because it IS. Look, I don’t know who told you this, but life isn’t a joyride and a cruise to sit back and relax on. Life’s a BITCH, and that means, instead of bitching about it like a little brat, you’re supposed to SUCK IT UP and deal with it.
Among other things, the one thing that pissed me off was your SPITEFUL UNNECESSARY COMMENT. “Sometimes can you just be a daughter.”
As opposed to what, Dad? I AM being your daughter. Get it through your head; I’M NOT YOUR LITTLE GIRL ANYMORE. I’M 18 YEARS OLD, turning 19 in just a couple of months. I’m a sophomore in college with a career goal that I’m striving for. I’M NOT 5. Of course I’m going to talk to you more like a smart adult, because I’m a SMART ADULT NOW. Mom’s accepted it, so why can’t you?
If you’re gonna bitch at me about things that were your fault, don’t expect my sympathy and an “Oh, it’s okay honey. It’s not your fault, you did nothing wrong.” Expect something similar (but in a much more polite manner) to “I told you a million times, life’s a BITCH. QUIT BITCHING FOR FUCKS SAKE AND PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE DEEP CREVICES OF YOUR ASS.”
But for some reason or another, no matter what we seem to talk about or what I tell you, you won’t listen. That’s another thing that pisses me off; YOU WON’T LISTEN. What do you think I am; a retard? It pisses me off even more when you don’t listen to me WHEN I KNOW MORE ABOUT SOMETHING THAN YOU. I remind you of that health thing. Or did you already forget about it.
You’ll probably apologize, AGAIN. You might already have, though that message didn’t show on Skype. Just a “Just wanted to say that I…” Of course, maybe that wasn’t an apology and you aren’t gonna apologize because I’m in “the wrong” even though all I did was state the facts. Oh, and give logical suggestions to your fucking problems that you bitch about 24/7 instead of doing anything about.
You know, at this point, I really can’t take your apology seriously, because it’s just gonna happen AGAIN. You wanna know what to do to solve everything. How about you start by ACTUALLY WORKING ON YOUR FUCKING DEPRESSION BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, IT’S GETTING IN THE FUCKING WAY OF ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!
And you can say “Oh yea? Well I’m doing this and I’m doing that!” but it’s BULLSHIT. I’m not gonna believe any of it until you PROVE IT. PROVE ME WRONG FOR ONCE DAD! Prove to me that I should have at least a little faith in you after all.
I’m sorry I can’t be a better sister and wait for you to change on your own.
I’m sorry that the only thing I can do is lose my patience and pressure you to move faster, when the only thing that does is make you feel more guilty and upset.
I’m sorry that I can’t do anything to help you because I just can’t do it.
I’m sorry that I’m aware that you’re hurting, but I don’t do the right things that will make you feel better.
I really love you Kimmie, you’re my little sister, and you’re one of my best and closest friends. I hate having to watch you do this to yourself, but whenever I start helping I can’t go about it the right way. I really wish I could just wave my hand and make everything better just like that, but I can’t.Or, wave a magic wand which will give me understanding and a solution to your problem. I wish I was more patient so I could tolerate some of the things you tells me (which sometimes really scares me what you say).
I’m so sorry Kimmie, that I’ve practically failed you as a sister and as a friend.
My little sister is upset. Very upset. She’s hurting, and I can feel it. I know that pain, oh do I ever,
But I’m also scared for her. Because of this. I’ll admit, I have cut myself. But when I did, it wasn’t anything like what she wrote. I was angry, more angry than I had ever been in my life, and I wanted to do such violent things that I turned those thoughts on myself. At the time I thought: Why hurt him? It’d be better if it was me that felt the pain anyway. I read this, and I can tell, she’s depressed. Just how much of a funk she’s gotten into, I really can’t tell, but I know one thing, and that it’s not good in the least bit.
Mom, you wanted advice? I gave you advice, but after reading this, I really don’t care what decision you’re making. I know what I want to do, and I’m pretty sure you can guess what it is I’m thinking about. Because you see, I’ve had nightmares before. Nightmares about walking into a room, like my room, or the bathroom, and finding either Kimmie or David lying on the floor in a pool of their own blood. And now that Kimmie is like this, I’m terrified.
I don’t want to lose her. Which is why I want to help her as soon as possible. Because, I wouldn’t dare admit it to her, but if something were to happen to her, I would kill myself. I wouldn’t hesitate in the least bit. Because, even though we’re sisters and we’ll fight almost every day, and even though we haven’t shared a room all that long, and even though we barely seem to have anything in common, I care about her so much. She is, along with Mom, one of my best friends. And she most likely will be for life. And people don’t normally come across other people like that, let alone finding that they can have such a relationship with their siblings. I thought me and Kimmie would always hate each other, and look at us now. I would have never dreamed that we’d be as close as we are today. I tell her more secrets than I do my best friends, like Stephanie and Rae ann. I’ve told her secrets that I wouldn’t dare tell anyone else, and I know she wouldn’t dare tell.
I care about her, and I don’t want to see her in anymore pain. That’s why I want to help her. And I think doing ‘that,’ Mom, would be the best thing. but, since you’re the parent, you’ll have the final decision, even though I may protest with my entire being. Just try to think about this, and think about what I said, please. I’m not completely stupid, and I sorta know what I’m talking about, although I probably don’t nearly know as much as you, but I do have a different perspective. But, yea, I think I’m done talking now.
Happy Bitrhday Kimmie. Sorry for not making this all flashy like I made David’s, but my head’s majorly killing me, and I just don’t have the energy.
Thanks alot David, for making me sick and in pain. Damnit.
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