A lot of guys that I’ve met, especially those that either like me or are liked by me, are kinda retarded in the love department. I’m not saying every guy is, but a lot of them are.
Well, I wouldn’t say they’re retarded, it’s just they seem kind of bratty when it comes to relationships. And I think it all starts with the whole “men are better than women thing.” Theory time!
So it’s drilled into everyone’s heads at an early age that men are dominant, men are powerful, and men are the better sex of the two. Females are supposed to be submissive and below men. I absolutely hate that, but anyway, that’s what a lot of people think. Why else are women still not exactly treated equally as men? Because of this being drill into everyone’s head, men subconsciously think that women will immediately do whatever they want. Not exactly like that. But what I’m saying is, if a guy likes a girl, he may subconsciously feel that the girl is obligated to immediately like him back. I have three examples already lined up in my head, though I refuse to name names. However, I’m pretty sure they know who they are. If they don’t, then they’re pretty freakin retarded.
All three of them did the exact same thing: They started to like me, and they all asked me out, and I turned them all down. Afterwards, each of them have a similar yet different reaction. Two of them use their own unique methods of trying to get me to go out with them… I won’t go into detail about it. The third one didn’t seem to try and woo me, but he grew overly sensitive at every little tiny thing that I did that gave him a tiny hope of me liking him. All three of them did the same thing though: they blamed me in a sense for not liking them and going out with them like they wanted.
Well, just because someone likes me, why would that mean I have to drop everything and immediately date them? It makes no sense, especially if I don’t even like the guy that way. It would result in a disastrous relationship that would leave all parties involved feeling hurt.
I don’t really know if a guy who doesn’t like you can be considered bratty, but they can sometimes be freakin assholes. They’ll treat you like complete crap just to get you to stop liking them, at least, I’ve had a couple of experiences like that. Not all of the guys I’ve liked have done that to me, some of them are okay with me liking them, and we both ignore that and continue to be friends. Those guys I feel are actually mature.
So that’s the end of my thinking about guys and love. Unfortunately for me, I haven’t been lucky enough to win the heart of any guy that I’ve actually crushed on, and instead have been winning the hearts of people that I don’t like that way, or have even never freakin seen before. You gotta love it right? sigh It’s frustrating. But I’ll just continue to be patient, I suppose. Going out with the wrong guy just because you want a boyfriend is just not a good way to go about doing stuff like that, and I’d rather wait years to find a guy that I like who’ll like me back and just going out with any one.
So, I know I haven’t updated this with anything important in a while, and I’m sorry for it.
And so, at the risk of alienating everyone I’m going to talk about, here goes nothing.
Okay, so it goes like this: I have a friend that I’ve known for over a year. I actually started hanging out with him one day and the four of us, because there was someone else that we met too, became like, best friends.
Well, I don’t know if Casey and Ethan consider me and Jess their best friends, but I consider all three of them mine.
This past summer was freakin awesome. I had sooooo much fun with these guys. And at one point I got a crush on Casey, though he politely turned me down saying that no, he doesn’t like me that way, but he’d love to continue being friends. And of course, I loved to continue being friends too, because he knows how to have a good time without breaking the law XDDD most of the time, lol.
But I’m straying off topic. Okay, so I continue to hang out, being friends with him, and liking him, but refusing to let that get in the way of a perfectly good friendship. The four of us have made some good memories and whatnot, and at times I was confused because of things, but I brushed them away.
So, here I am, going to college and all, blah blah blah. I go home for Thanksgiving Break. So it happens that my birthday is in that same week and whatnot. So the four of us hung out on my birthday. We played Truth or Dare (damnit, you are NEVER too old to play Truth or Dare), and, sure they were dares, but me being the hopeless case that I am, once I had gone home and went to bed, my mind plagued me with thoughts and confusion. Of course, although I still think about it now, I really don’t think anything’s changed except that Ethan and Jess are friends instead of a couple, but that’s a different story. Although my mind tries to make me think otherwise, I still try to stick by me not doing anything to ruin the friendship I have with Casey. These three guys are the best, and I don’t think I’ll get any better friends than them. So for the love of everything there’s no way in hell I want to mess this up
What I’ve been doing is keeping my feelings in the back of my head and focusing on our friendship, and if by some chance Casey ever starts liking me, I’ll wait for there to be proof of it before I do anything. If Casey likes me, and he’s honest and I’m positive that it’s true, then yes, I’ll be with him. If he doesn’t ever like me, that’s okay too. Sure, I’ll let my mind make up wishes and hopes, but I’m not gonna let it ruin the friendship. Love can come and go, but friendships can last forever. I don’t see best friends filing divorce papers because one cheated on the other.
But that’s off subject. So there is Casey back home, whom I like, but won’t let those feelings get in way of our friendship. Now I’m back from Thanksgiving Break, and there’s a kid (well, not really a kid, he’s 17) named Javon who messaged me on Myspace one day. After that we decided to meet up. We met up Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and like, on Tuesday, he tells me “I think I’m falling for you.”
At first I was kinda like, I don’t know… I really didn’t know what to say. But how can someone fall for someone after only 3 days of knowing each other? And he keeps telling me how he’ll be a good boyfriend, how it’d be better if I went out with him because I’d see him more, how he really wants to be with me. I don’t think I like him the way he likes me, and I’m not even sure if he’s being honest about what he wants. Because I’ve been in a situation where someone has told me that they really liked me, and then once they got what they were really after, they just blew me off. I was so pissed off. I really don’t want to go through that again. And this kid acts more like he wants that, if you know what I’m saying. For God’s sake, he told me that when he first saw my myspace page, he was “sprung.” Um, HELLO
How the hell does that mean you’re in love? When I hear “I’m sprung,” the FIRST thing the comes to mind is “Baby Got Back,” and, unless I’m absolutely retarded and crazy, that song was most certainly NOT a love song.
And I’m not saying that it’s necessarily a bad thing, but it’s just, like, well, if someone’s gonna go on and on about how they like you when all they really want is a piece of your ass, then what’s the point?
For the past few days I’ve been thinking. Because this kid seems to really want me to make up my mind, which is starting to piss me off, because I’m not gonna drop everything and jump into something without thinking of everything first, you asshole! I’ve been comparing, contrasting, looking at pros and cons. So here’s what I think.
As of right now, I know for a fact that Casey doesn’t like me in the same way that I like him, because the last time we asked, he said he didn’t, but he thinks I’m hot, in that other sense (hopefully those of you who are smart can figure out what I’m saying). And that’s perfectly fine, because he leaves such hints as that I KNOW what he wants (and it’s not like I don’t want the same, but that’s another different story). Sure some of those hints seem to get me thinking they might mean other things, but I’m going to stick with the notion that it’s love and not lust. It’s okay that he doesn’t want to go out with me, and hell, for all I know, it may be better that way.
If I had to choose between Casey and Javon, I’d be better off being single, lol, but if I got to choose who to date, I’d pick Casey. Although Javon lives here and I could see him whenever I wanted to, it would also get in the way of my studies, which are supposed to be top priority. If I were to go out with Casey, unless he drove up to visit for a weekend or something, I wouldn’t be able to see him until my breaks, when I wouldn’t have to worry about falling behind in schoolwork. However, if I dated Casey, I wouldn’t be able to see him until just then, my breaks, and I only know him as a friend, so I have no idea what he’s like as a boyfriend, and for all I know he could be a player and cheat as soon as I’m gone. For all I know, he could be the perfect guy. I’m only going on assumptions here.
Another thing is that yes, Javon, you are cute, but just because I think you’re good looking doesn’t mean I’m going to want to date you. I’ve come across many a fine looking guy on my journeys (LMFAO), but I’ve never dropped everything and fell for the guy. When I first met Casey at soccer game in my, oh I don’t know, senior pre-season (or was it junior?) of soccer, I didn’t immediately fall for him. I don’t believe in love at first sight, that’s damned impossible. I thought he was very extremely gorgeous, had a tan that was freakin better than my own (which annoyed me because he’s freakin Irish and I’m half-black for gawd’s sake!), was really good at soccer, and was really fun to be around. When I began to admire him, it was later in the school year, when he recognized me and remembered my name after 3 months of meeting me for a week and never seeing each other again. I sure as hell wasn’t expecting to ever see the kid again. He’s in Otego, I’m in Sidney. I THOUGHT we had different interests. But, he remember exactly who I was, we had a ten minute conversation before having to part ways. I would run into him every now and then, but I didn’t really hang out with him until last summer, when I got that crush on him. It was after around a year of barely knowing him, and then REALLY getting to know him in a couple of weeks that I decided I liked the kid. I think he’s really mature, we have A LOT of the same interests, not too many, and he’s so much fun to be around. That’s another thing. I have so much more fun around Casey than I do around Javon. He’s too quiet for my taste. In general Casey’s much more my type than Javon is.
Of course since I have the right to make my own decisions, for the sake of my schoolwork, I’m going to just stay single. Having a boyfriend here in Ithaca and within a walking distance would mess me up with my schoolwork, and hanging out with Javon so far has already proved this. Ever night we’ve chilled out, I’ve come home extremely late. The earliest time was 1am, the latest was 4am. That is just NOT going to do when I have schoolwork. Having a boyfriend who lives far enough away from me so that I could concentrate on my schoolwork is good for my schoolwork, but it still wouldn’t work because for all I know he could be cheating on me or something, and I’d never find out. I’m just gonna wait until the summer or something before I get a boyfriend (and it may only last just that summer, depending on where he may be)... if I get a boyfriend at all.
So, I’m sorry to whoever wants to date me at this time, unless I actually want to be with you and see that being with you will be fully beneficial, but I’m just going to be single and free for now. I’m going to wait until I’m positive that being in a relationship isn’t gonna fuck me up for a semester.
10.) I’ve managed to stay alive for 16 years.
9.) I’m healthy both physically and mentally, and I don’t have a problem family. I actually have a good life.
8.) David and Kimmie seem to be doing better with thier meds.
7.) I can drive legally 
6.) Brian’s doing so much better than before.
5.) I’m doing great in all aspects of school: academics, athletics, and social life.
4.) I’m not having any problems, except for two minor ones. You already know the first one… well it’s solved. The second… is for me to know and you to never find out.
3.) We have a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs, and food on the table, and we aren’t going to lose any of it.
2.) I’ve finally comes to terms with the “Psycho-Boy situation,” and he is no longer a part of my life: no talking to him, no dealing with him or his problems, not even looking at him. I’m walking away for good whether he likes it or not… and I think he doesn’t like it.
1.) Dad’s out of the hospital and feeling much better. He’s going to start taking care of the health problems he seems to be having, and he’s going to quit smoking, I’ll make sure of it. But the good thing is, he’s home, hopefully to stay. Just in time for dinner
Hope the rest of you are having a Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Holidays!
~*Gina*~
Well before I start on the main topic, I have a very brief announcment. You remember that Derek is fighting a war with the Gremlins and the spiders, right? Well I don’t know what the situation is with the spiders, but the Gremlins have “stolen” Derek’s computer, therefore winning the war…
Don’t ask me what’s going on. I only pass the info along.
Anyway, I hate Valentine’s Day. Every year of my life I have “celebrated” Valentine’s Day with no significant other. I watch all my friends swap presents with their girlfriends and boyfriends. The only exception to that is Andy, but I know somebody who is going to spoil him with her presents, and she likes him alot. So even though he’s single, he has someone who loves him. Me? I have no one. Nobody. No one to caress, kiss, or embrace. No one to tell me “I love you.” No one to be there for me cheering for me when I’m competing. No one to congratulate me if I win, no one to encourage me win I lose. No one to comfort me at times of need (I’ve had alot of those moments). Nothing. There a couple of people I like… one of them I love with my heart and soul, but they will never love me the same way as I do them. It’s hopeless.
sigh It’s only this time, and Christmas, that I’ve always felt so lonely in a world filled with soul mates, romance, and just plain love.
Ever have one of those days? One of those days where you’re awake and doing everything but you’re not quite there? Well, I’m having one of those days. I hate Mondays.
Right now I’m singing japanese songs (don’t ask) and working for my dad… well… waiting for his computer to restart so I can continue working for my dad. Anyway, I was on AIM earlier and I had recieved this chain letter. It said something like; Between 1pm and 4pm your crush will realize he loves you… (I’m singing japnese in the background as I’m reading this)...
Kitzuzuku koto wa kowa kunai
If you send this to over 30 people in the next 2 seconds, he will confess his love to you…
Daketo ke shite suyo kunai
If you don’t, then you will have relationship problems for the next ten years (Isn’t it funny how chain letter alwyas have something to do with ten year curses?).
Tadananimo shinae mama de, kuyunu dare wa shitai kunai
Then I got another one later that was one I had recieved a year back… if you send this chain to this amount, this will happen…
here we go go hashiri zuzukeru, dareni mo tomerawawae shinae
Minnae no jibun etoe
Don’t you wonder why they make the letters in the first place?
give a reason for life todoketae
When I was younger I sent out ever chain letter I had recieved to as many people as I possible could… and nothing happened. Could it be the chain letters speak the opposite of what it says? Who knows? I guess I was desperate.. and it didn’t work. I know now there is no point to chain letters, and I should ignore it.
If someone doesn’t leave me alone, then I will simply send them a virus.