All About G

This is my official freakin emo rant.

Basically, I’m pissed off at practically everything right now, and I really don’t want to be here right now. What “here” stands for, I don’t freakin know, but I just don’t want to be here right now.

So, here we go. I’m pissed off at myself for cutting my arm rather nicely after my big fight with Dad. Mom says it’s ‘ineffective,’ but it calmed me down when I did it, so I guess it works a little bit. There you go. Andy’s proof that I’m psychotic and really need to be locked up. I probably do belong in some insane asylum somewhere or something. Regardless of whether or not cutting myself works, I still feel dumb for doing it, though I’m extremely pissed off and wouldn’t mind doing it again. Stupid me of course. One wonders why everyone doesn’t hate me. No wonder everyone thinks I’m fucking incompetent, because I AM.

I’m pissed off at Steve Walker, because he doesn’t even really say goodbye. He sent me an email saying “I’m leaving. Don’t write back.” And now he’s gone! Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t come by to han gout once more with me before he left, because he never seemed to want me around. I guess he thought I was just a loser too, like the rest of the world seems to.

I’m pissed off at the Tracfone company, because they’re fucking retarded and screwed up my phone so I can’t use either my old phone or my new one until the number gets completely transferred, which can take up to two fucking weeks. Stupid company representatives who can barely talk understandable english and who are too retarded to answer a simple fucking question the right fucking way. Though they can’t possble be as retarded as me.

I’m pissed off a little bit at Dad still, because of the shit he had to say to me duirng the argument we got into. He apologized and everything, but does anyone really think saying sorry is going to make me feel all better? What he said is still getting to me, and I don’t like it. PS - the fight with Dad proves that he thinks I’m incompetent, plus it also proves that I’m just a little girl that has a fucking attitude problem and shouldn’t deserve anything because she’ll just take advantage of it.

I’m pissed off at Derek because of the shit he says about me behind my back, though I guess it isn’t really shit because it’s probably true. Perhaps I do have something against guys and perhaps I do bite their heads off whenever they blink wrong. Maybe I should turn dyke or something. The more time I spend around girls, the less time I spend being a bitch to males, because I must have something against them. Oh yea, and I’m just a moody bitchy little girl who doesn’t know how to be mature and not snap at people because I’m just a loser like that. Oh yea, he thinks I’m incompetent too.

I’m pissed off at Kimmie for not staying out of my fucking business, and for trying to give me advice because that doesn’t do anything except kill whatever self-esteem I happen to fucking have. Not to mention the fact that whenever I piss her off, she starts talking to herself about how stupid I am. See, more proof. I’M FUCKING INCOMPETENT AND A COMPLETE LOSER.

I’m also pissed at her and mom for humiliating me just a few minutes ago. It hurts to talk about someone behind their back, but talking about whatever flaw they have right while they’re lying there and treating it like a freakin conversation really is mortifying. I wanted to crawl under a rock and disappear because of that.

And now I’m getting even more pissed at myself because I’m such a fucking idiot. I’m not good enough to find anyone to go out with, because I’m too much of a fucking loser for anyone to deal with. One wonders how I managed to make friends and whatnot. I wonder if my newer friends are just dealing with me because Jessica can’t get up there without me, and they want to hang out with her because she’s actually cool and likeable. And I’m just saying all of this fucking shit and looking more and more like and idiot, but for all I know I could be right. I probably look like a retard right now saying all of this crap. My head’s starting to freakin hurt, and I hate it. And now I’m getting pissed because my eyes keep watering and it’s fucking pissing me off that I’m beginning to cry because that would mean that I’m just being a big baby. No wonder I have a hard time making friends, or getting people to like me. That’s probably why I’ve been single for almost two years straight. That’s also why I can’t seem to keep any friends who are my age and I end up having friend up to 2 years younger than me. And it always ends up that I look younger than them because I’m too dumb to know how to make myself look somewhat attractive, or least, make myself look attractive to the guys I want to actually attract.

God, why the fuck am I ranting? I’m a fucking tard. I really need to get out of here. It’s funny how all this fucking shit has to start happening RIGHT before I’m fucking leave. Well I guess that’ll be good for everyone. At least they won’t have to fucking deal with me and they can get on with their without me getting in the way. If I could scream and bitch my frustrations away, I would, but then I’d get the cops called on me for distrubing the peace. Maybe I’ll do it anyway. ‘Cause I’m stupid.

(I didn’t really scream. I’ll just hold it in and go on with my life, cause me being pissy doesn’t do anything except burdens everyone else. Noone will notice a different by… later this morning It’s 1:30am guarenteed.)

I’m mad at someone. I dislike him now. If he keeps this up, I’ll hate him.

Okay. You probably don’t know who I’m extremely pissed off at. No, it’s not B Hoff, though I’m not that kid’s friend anymore. I’m not mad at Andy. That kid is so much more mature than fucking Derek, who’s a BIG FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO KEEP HIS FUCKING MOUTH SHUT.

So, this post is going to be me bitching about EVERYTHING that’s wrong with Derek.

Starting with the biggest thing: his inability to keep his fucking mouth shut and the fact that he’s too mentally retarded to STAY THE FUCK OUT OF SOMETHING THAT ISN’T EVEN ANY OF HIS FUCKING BUSINESS Wanna example? Yesterday: Ricky was getting ready for a baseball game. Dad was confronting him. Derek suggested that he left it outside. AND THAT’S ALL HE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SAID. Cause, then he had the fucking guts to say “You have five minutes to find it, or you’re not going to the game,” WHEN DAD WAS STANDING RIGHT FUCKING THERE

So I said “Shut up Derek, let Dad do his job.” And then he started being a fucking dick!

Get this through your fucking head, Derek. You’re nobody’s fucking boss in this household. The only reason why you’re living here is because you’re too pathetic to go out and buy you’re OWN FUCKING HOUSE, and instead you spend money you should be saving on shit YOU DON’T EVEN NEED, like a $500 FUCKING CAMERA, DUMBASS. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you have the fucking right to tell me what to do. YOU’RE NOT EVEN BLOOD RELATED TO ME, SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD I EVEN LISTEN TO YOU!? You’re not Mommy, you’re not Daddy, SO STOP FUCKING ACTING LIKE YOU ARE. LET THE REAL PARENTS DO THEIR JOB, AND STOP FUCKING TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER ME WHATSOEVER, YOU FUCKING DICK.

Wanna something else that pisses me off? Derek doesn’t know how to stay out of conversations that have nothing to do with him, and he acts like a fucking know-it-all. There are things I’ve talked with him about that I know for a fucking fact that he doesn’t know SHIT about. And when he’s not acting like a know-it-all, he’s finding ways to turn the conversation so that we end up talking about him. GET A FUCKING REALITY CHECK DEREK. YOU’RE NOT THE FUCKING CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU THINK YOU ARE.  STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF. DO YOU THINK WE REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR PAST? IT’S YOUR FUCKING LIFE, WHICH USUALLY HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT WE TALK ABOUT. NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY WHEN WE’RE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING TOTALLY IRRELVALENT TO YOUR GODDAMNED CHILDHOOD.

YOU DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING EITHER, SO STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DO. THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A LOSER.  LET THE PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT IT TALK ABOUT IT. MAYBE IF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE YOU MAY ACTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING.

God, I’m sick your shit. You’re so fucking full of yourself, and I so wish I could just pound your fucking face in to pop that fucking annoying ego that you seem to have. You being a dick isn’t going to stop me from being a bitch. Remember that, you fucking cock monkey (I can’t believe I just called him that). Everytime you try to tell me to do something, I’m gonna take it and shove it up your fucking ass, where your head is stuck all the fucking time, you ass. Do you really want me to hate you? Keep it up, douchebag, and I will.

So. Here I am, almost the end of the year. Apparently, I’ve been acting like I’m better than everyone because of my seniority all year. This is what Kasedy just told me. Actually, what happened was that she got all pissed off at me because I told her off after she made me mad. What happened, you ask?

 Well, in creative writing, I’m working on my final project. I have to write, direct, and film a movie. I wrote up the script and everything, and I asked Kasedy and Brian to act for me. The next period, she gives me a letter, saying, “You should do this and you should do that because of that…”

FUCK THAT.

 I wrote back to her saying, “Umm, no because this is my project and I want to do things my way.”

 On a side note, she wanted me to chage the narrative part so that she did it because it was about her character. I told her “no, I’m gonna do it because I’m better at reading that you are.”

So, she’s all pissed off at me, and NOW she’s been saying this fucking shit about me behind my back. OMG EVEN FLY SAID THAT KASEDY WAS IN THE WRONG OVER THIS STUPID CRAP.

For your information, I haven’t been acting all big and bad. If you’ve had a fucking problem with me being right, then don’t fucking bother hanging out with me. So FUCK YOU. If you’re gonna be bitching over the fact that I don’t want you helping me with this fucking project that’s MY PROJECT, and if you have a problem with all those times that I was actually right, then stay the hell away from me. I’ve got way better things to do than to fucking deal with you.

I’ll have to admit, I’m really surprised. All of my guy friends have learned how to not push my buttons. Steve learned, Aaron learned, Andy learned too. They all learned what made me happy, sad, and angry. And they all know me really well, like how I behva eand whatnot. All except one person.

B Hoff, I’m sorry, you may be an Honor student, but you are a really stupid kid. You’ve known me for around two years. I seriously thought you would know me by now. Andy figured me out in the end, as did everyone else I know. Eveyrone except you.

I can’t fucking believe you actually thought I was purposely giving you mixed signals. What kind of girl do you think I am. I don’t give ANYONE mixed signals. I flirt with anyone and eveyrone, mainly my friends. Why the fuck would I like you in the first place? You’re attitude has totally changed. I really don’t know what was shoved up your ass, but I’m sick and tired of you being a fucking dick. Sorry that I’m apparently not cool enough for you to be decent to.

Don’t fucking talk to me for a while. A long while. Dick.

Something I really hate about people is that they always make assumptions. Like they know why I do what I do. Well, maybe if you asked what my problem was, then you’d understand.

For your information, I wasn’t “coping an attitude because he wanted the car.” I was pissed off because he wasn’t listening to me on the phone when he called me. And the both of you obviously wouldn’t let me explain myself and you both kept cutting me off. Like you assumed I was doing something, when in reality I wasn’t. I was up at the high school because on the way home I decided I was going to jump into the escort for the boy’s basketball team and follow them up to the school. Why else would I be up there? Unlike the two of you, apparently, I have school spirit, especially since my fellow seniors played a big part in the win, and I’m way into sports. See, it’s those things you need to actually think about instead of assuming.

Just because you’ve been around me for a long time, my whole life, doesn’t mean you know me. And, that doesn’t give you the right to think that you do. Nobody knows me except me, and I wish everyone I know would get that through their freakin’ heads. That means, don’t make assumptions and accusations and crap until you hear what I have to say. It really pisses me off when people do this. You don’t know me, so don’t act like you do. And it’s not just the people I’m being mad at right now either. All of my friends do it. It wasn’t that long ago when someone pissed me off because he assumed I was doing something on purpose, when I wasn’t.

PS - if you’re gonna call a cell phone, you don’t use a phone that comes from some far place like utica. You use the local phone (meaning 563 instead of 330). That way, you’ll actually have good reception and you’ll actually be able to hear what I say. Long distance + cell phone = bad reception. Local + cell phone = good reception.

I fucking hate the drama that boys will cause me.

No, this has absolutely NOTHING to do with Andy. Nor does it have anything to do with Steve. They’re on my good side right now.

Wanna know something I absolutely hate? Sensitive boys that assume they know you and then accuse you of doing something you had no idea you were doing. I’m not going to tell his name unless he happens to piss me off, but there’s this guy that’s supposedly head over heels for me. And lately, he’s been ignoring me. I have no idea why, and I tell that to Kasedy, who talks to the guy and later tells me that the reason why he’s pissed at me is because I’m “giving him mixed up signals.”

WHAT THE FUCK. Do you think I’m doing this on purpose? You would think he’d know me by now, I’ve been friends with him for almost over a year now. I’m a flirtacious girl: I love to have fun and I will flirt with anyone because I feel that flirting’s not just for guys you like. I understand why he would think I’m showing an interest in him, but he already fucking know that I don’t like him that way. So then WHY THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU THINK I’M PURPOSELY CONFUSING YOU?? I’ve made it perfectly clear that I DON’T LIKE YOU THAT WAY, and you know that I’m VERY FLIRTATCIOUS. So then why are you being all whining and acting like a pansy-ass fucking pussy?! OMFG I HATE PEOPLE THAT ARE STUPID LIKE THAT. So whatever. Go ahead and ignore me. If you’re gonna be a fucking dick about something so simple, then you aren’t worth bothering with anyway. So go on ahead and ignore me, I won’t even notice. You won’t accomplish anything. And I’m not apologizing for something I didn’t do, let anyone doing something on purpose. I’d rather go single to the fucking dance anyway, asswipe. Give you fucking ticket to Kasedy so you don’t waste your fucking money. Dick.

Oh, I’m not going to get in trouble for typing this during school. We’re done with classwork today.

Anyway, I’m pissed, and I’m not going to deal with a loser so I’m just going to not think about it and focus on tomorrow’s dance! Woohoo!

Lately I’m being bombarded by SPAM I get at least two emails a day about the stock market (and I REALLY could care less what’s going on on Wall street). I’ve gotten around ten comments on my blog that I’ve deleted because they were spams for DRUGS. And it REALLY PISSING ME OFF. And I DON”T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT STOP!

That is all.