All About G

Wednesday, after writing that blog post, I went to talk to Coach Quigg. I think it was probably one of the more terrifying moments of my life.

I don’t know if you would ever guess looking at me, but when it comes down to my skills, I’m not confident at all. Playing in high school, I was told I was good, but I was also told that I wasn’t good enough. I don’t think the people who talked to me realized what they were saying when they said it, but the message came across as clear: “You did good, but that girl over better is even better.”

Was it to try and motivate me (I’m a highly competitive person) to work harder? That might have been their intentions. Unfortunately, while I’m competitive, my self-esteem is terrible, so if someone tells me I’m not good enough, then it comes across as “You’ll never be good enough.”

I’m not trying to single him out, but Dad did that a lot. I don’t think he knows that he was even doing it (he tends to be oblivious to absolutely everything). But hearing him critique my gameplay, and then turn around and talk about how Mike Guerriere was “amazing,” (And yes, Mike is/was(?) an amazing player, probably one of the best in our region. I wouldn’t be surprised if he made it as far as the National Team) really ground it into my skull that my skill level had reached a plateau and that I couldn’t climb any higher.

What knocked me down and out were tryouts my freshman year at IC. I didn’t make the first cuts, and it was so disheartening for me; it just solidified my belief that I’d never be good enough. I wasn’t fast enough, my footwork wasn’t accurate enough, my leg wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t good enough.

It was when Kristen talked to me that I thought “Well, maybe I am good enough after all.”

It was just a Friday AT hour in the training room, and Kristen and I were talking about soccer. She had nearly made the varsity team herself, but was cut after injuring her ankle. And I’ve seen her play. Hell, I’ve played against her. I played her team in the championship intramural game last block, when I sustained my concussion. She’s an amazing player. And we were just talking about soccer and missing it, and she then suggested that the two of us work hard over the summer and then try out in the fall.

At first I was resistant. Why bother, knowing that I surely wouldn’t make it? And I let her know that I probably wouldn’t make it. That I felt like, ever since the cut, the varsity team was on an unreachable level.

And then she had told me “I’ve seen a lot of people play, in intramurals and stuff. And I really think you could make it.”

Coming from a peer in the sport, especially one who was as good of a player as she was, gave me that spark of hope.

So I went to see Coach. I told her about the mistakes I had made, and how I missed playing and how I wanted to try again. She didn’t turn me down whatsoever. Instead, she told me “Come up to practice Friday at 6.”

And I did. And I was amazed with myself. I’m behind a little with skills since it’s been a really long time that I’ve played on that kind of level, but I held my own. I did good. And Coach agreed with me. She had let me know that I was a little behind, but I had very good speed (I’ve always been fast on the green — I was known as the deer/gazelle, when I played in high school). And she was very encouraging that once I got back into the swing of things, I’d be on that kind of level. And she invited me to go back again, tomorrow morning at 8am.

I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I am now. And I’m going to go to bed now, before it gets too late. I gotta get my rest (at least some) so I can manage to get up early.

In the meantime, I’m going to bed thankful that Kristen talked me into trying again. If she hadn’t, I’d still be miserably living in my room, wishing I could be as good as them, instead of knowing that I’ve got the potential, and that I will be as good as them, if not better.

So thanks a ton, Kristen. I don’t think I could ever thank you enough.

Comments (2) Apr 09 2010

I miss it. So much that sometimes it’s painful. It’s pitiful I know. Whenever I see it, I want to join and play again. If I could marry anything, animate or inanimate, I’d marry the sport of soccer.

Sad, I know. Soccer’s my opium. Well, that’s a bit extreme. But when I’m feeling down and when I’m at my lowest point, the only thing that’ll get me back on my feet is soccer.

And I miss it. More so than I can express in words. The last legitimate season I ever played on was my senior year in high school on the varsity team (I don’t count the U19 club season. I wasn’t exactly what you’d called wanted on the team). Co-captain, honorable MAC All-star mentions, and the best season I’ve ever played. SGS had never gone to Sectional Finals before, and it was an honor to have played in the game. At the same time, that moment, those last few seconds in the game, were probably the most heart-breaking. And I knew, after they scored the second goal, that it was all over.

I wasn’t the same for a while after that. Call me a fanatic, but I was insanely depressed after ending my career. But I didn’t want to give it up.

When I came to IC, one of the first things I did was get checked out for competitive play. And then, I tried out for the varsity soccer team. There I made probably one of the biggest, stupidest mistakes I’ve ever made in my entire life. And I still berate myself for it. Maybe instead of playing my favorite position as forward, I should’ve tried out for my best position, defense. What’s horrible is that, every time I’ve played since then, I’ve always played back! And I’m really good at playing back! Why the hell did I only notice this recently?!

I still play, but only on intramural teams. And it’s fun, but it’s not that same. And that desire to play is what’s led me to email Coach Quigg. And it’s leading me to go talk to her about trying out again next year. And it’s leading me to go outside more and move around more in preparation for working out over the summer.

It’s now or never. And at this point, there’s not turning back. I’ll get on that team. Or at the very least, I will try my damnedest.

Comments (0) Apr 07 2010

Apparently, the NFL can go so far as to need the cane, a seeing eye dog, and the glasses, even after laser eye surgery.

Check out this article before you do anything else. Read it a million times over.

Now, check out this video. Watch it closely, and as many times as needed to get every single flipping detail in:

For clarifying purposes, the defender who hit Cardinals wide receiver Anquan Boldin from behind is Jets safety Kerry Rhodes. The safety who collided head-on into Boldin is Eric Smith.

Now, you tell me. Exactly which safety should be getting fined; Smith, or Rhodes? Comment on this; it’s gonna be a full-blown discussion. This conversation is hopefully gonna last longer than the more intelligent ones I tried to start. Hell, maybe Derek will actually freakin’ comment this time too. It doesn’t take much brain to see who truly is the one who actually deserves the fine.

Comments (5) Sep 29 2008

History repeated itself, as usual.

I just found out that I didn’t make cuts. And it’s probably because of the EXACT same thing that happened when I tried out back in high school; I did good with EVERYTHING ELSE, and then I served horribly.

I don’t get it. I didn’t feel all that nervous once I got warmed up. And usually I have a really good, consistent serve.

NOT TONIGHT! It was so off I was about ready to kill someone, preferably myself, I felt so retarded, and I had a need to disappear. Better to commit suicide than homicide, because you can’t go to jail if you’re already dead.

Gawd, it ticks me off so freakin’ much. So folks, I officially have NOTHING to do for the year. No track, because I work at games on the weekends, which will OBVIOUSLY conflict with meets. No club soccer, because I didn’t make cuts. No club volleyball, because I didn’t make cuts. Intramurals isn’t competitive enough to actually be any fun.

I’m going to be so depressed by the time winter break comes up.

If you all couldn’t tell, I’m very mad. I’m done writing this post. Bye.

Comments (0) Sep 22 2008

I’m sure most, if not all of you who read my blog, know that I have a bad knee; a knee which I injure too many damn times, and therefore must have something wrong with it. It’s my right one, specifically, you know. The one I strain my tendons and ligaments in all the time? One wonders why I haven’t blown it yet, like destroyed my ACL or something.

Anyway, this morning I had Kinesiology lab and were were doing Manual Muscle Tests (testing a specific muscle group for strength and to see if there’s any pain, if there’s any at all) and goniometric measurements of the lower extremities (lower body, feet to hips, basically). Anyway, setting aside my minorly sprained ankle (which I may tell you about in a minute), I made a discovery about my knees.

Goniometry is the measurement of angles, basically. In kinesiology’s case, the angles are our joints, thus we’re measuring the range of motion of that joint. When measuring the knee, the start value is our knee extended, straightened, but not fully extended. When we measure the full extension of the knee, we’re measuring how much it hyper-extends. Sooooo, I got my knees’ ranges of motion measured.

When you measure the degree of extension when it comes to the knee, you prop the foot up on something — a sweatshirt, a book, something similar — and allow gravity to pull your knee “backwards” until it locks. My left knee was relatively normal, it’s extension range of motion was 3°, a relatively normal range. My right knee, on the other hand, was a completely different story.

When we propped it on the sweatshirt, it didn’t lock. This meant that it wasn’t fully extended. So, I tried to adjust my foot’s position, but by the time she actually took the measurement, it still wasn’t fully extended. But even with it not being fully extended, the measurement we got was 19°. So, I’m saying that my estimated ROM for my right knee is at least 20°. One of these days, I want to get a more accurate measure.

So, it totally threw me off when I found out my right knee was about 16° more extensible than my left knee. When I thought about it, I figured hey, maybe that’s why I’m having ligament and tendon problems with my right knee, and maybe that’s why I always hyper-extend my left.

So, anyone else have any thoughts to add to this? Any questions you might want to ask? I’ll answer what I can. So be sure to check your comments, because I don’t think I have a plug-in that notifies commenters if/when their comment is replied to.

Oh, before I go, I said I was gonna tell you about my ankle, right? Well, if I didn’t who cares? I’m telling you anyway!

Okay, so, last Friday, some of the female members of the track team met up to play Ultimate Frisbee (I’m not running track this year, unfortunately, so Coach probably hates me…). It was really fun and all.

So the field we were playing on, one of our endzones was actually sloped a little. You can sort of see where this is going. Well, towards the end of our scrimmage, I was on offense cherry picking the end zone. Kris… Kristen (?) threw me the frisbee, and I turned to try and catch it. When I missed, I turned back around and rolled my ankle REALLY bad. I felt a small pop, and it hurt like a BITCH for a while. I walked back over to our end (because we eventually scored), rubbed it a few times, and then shrugged it off and continued playing. While it didn’t hurt all that much (or maybe it did and I was too focused on the game to actually notice) during the game, when I finished eating and went back to my room, it was killing me. Later that night, it was swollen. With the advice of my good friend Steve (yes folks, he’s still very much alive), I propped it up on my desk and the swelling did go down.

I’m checking my ankle right now and… it looks like… there’s no swelling. But occasionally, when I walk, there’s a shooting pain that goes down my talus, and sometimes on the underside of my foot too. It’s not a crippling pain, but it’s noticeable enough to be annoying and slightly painful.

There you have it. Okay, leave comments with theories and questions if you have any. I’ll reply and answer what I can.

Comments (8) Sep 10 2008