All About G

So, today is our first day back from Spring Break. At this point in time, it feels like Spring Break never existed. But anyways, I’ll update later about Spring break. I want to get this written before I lose my train of thought.

Our assignment for Spanish that I didn’t have any idea about was to read an article in our reader. It’s actually an opinion article about the events of 9/11. I didn’t actually read it, but I had a strange kind of epiphany.

A classmate of mine, Stephanie, had summarized the article for those of us who forgot, and informed us that the writer thought that tightened security wasn’t going to stop any attacks from occurring.

I don’t know exactly how that got my particular train of thought going, and maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about — I’m no psychologist, nor am I some secret agent behavioral analyst — but I suddenly got to wondering… do terrorists even consider the long-term effects of their actions when they plan and carry out their actions?

Let’s use 9/11 for example (since it was what I was thinking about in the first place). So, the terrorists hijacked 4 jets, two of which hit the World Trade Centers. One smashes into the Pentagon, and the last one crashes in a field in PA. So, the immediate effect was the biggest loss of life in a single terrorist attack. People across the nation (and even perhaps the world) were fearful and doubtful of the government’s ability to protect them from harm.

As a result of 9/11, President Bush declared the War on Terror. Now, let’s go back over exactly how Bush went about fighting that war. He did some stuff in Afghanistan, but then changed his route completely and attacked Iraq instead. Now, over the years we’ve been overseas, and I don’t know if it was just me, but it seemed like Bush was so bent on invading Iraq that he seemed to not pay much of any attention to what was going on at the home front. Anyways, towards the end of his final term, the economy went down the shitter, and let me tell you, the war didn’t help it one bit.

Now the globe is amidst an economic crisis and everyone’s struggling. I wonder, did the terrorists ever see something like this happening? Like, the economic meltdown, and the fact that a crap ton of Americans are all fighting with each other (don’t believe me? Go to Youtube and just read the comments on a political video. ‘Nuff said)? And how there are people out there that are totally anti-government right now (I’m referring to the psychotic Tea Party movement)? It’s like, the 19 hijackers did WAY more damage than they expected. Or do they ever think that far ahead? All I know is, currently, there’s a lot of effed up stuff going on right now, and I sort of feel like it all started when the WTC’s went down.

Ah, right, it’s time for a brief topic change. I said this on Facebook already. I’m glad that the health care reform legislation got through the House and is about to be made official. However, I feel like too much time has been spent on this major battle (and maybe if the stupid Republicans weren’t being 10 year olds about it, the reform would’ve been done months ago and that would’ve allowed Obama to TAKE CARE OF THE PEOPLE!!!) and that for now, health care needs to be set aside. The people want economic recovery; new jobs, lowered unemployment rates (well that was redundant)… deflation would be nice too. President Obama, I hope the next thing on your agenda is “kick the economy’s ass back into gear.” We really need it.

Oh, one MORE thing. To the Tea Party-tards that are acting like raving lunatics because they’re being brainwashed by the right-wing, anti-Obama, propaganda media-bitch bullshit… will you SHUT THE FUCK UP!?!?! LOOK AT YOURSELVES!!! You are coming across as the LOWEST OF THE LOW of the U.S. for fuck’s sake!!! How dare you accuse Obama of being a Nazi, and how dare you insult the Representatives so horrifically (I’m referring to your racial and homophobic slurs, you bastards!)! They’re not doing this to destroy our lives! Are you so blinded by the Fox news bullshit to not see how much we, as a nation, needed this!?! I ought to find each and every one of you, and beat you to a pulp! You’re pissed because Obama’s “not doing anything”? Well maybe if you all STFU and GOT THE FUCK OUT OF HIS WAY, OBAMA WOULD BE ABLE TO DO THE STUFF HE PROMISED TO DO, YOU FUCKING HALF-WITTED RETARDS! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! SOMETIMES I WONDER HOW WE, as a country, GOT THIS FAR!!!!!

*ahem* Anyways. That took me all day to write. I’m gonna go do other things now. I’ll tell you how my break (or lack therof) went another time, most likely tomorrow.

By the way, if, by some chance, you’ll never hear from me again, then the feds read this blog post and figured I knew too much or something, and took me away to do whatever feds do to people that they take away >.>

Comments (1) Mar 22 2010

No pun intended >.>

Anyway, it’s about 7 days, give a few hours, since I sustained my concussion. My follow-up for my concussion says I still have a concussion. Dr. Getzin recommend mental and physical rest, of course, and advised me to push back my midterms thank God; I was worried about that. I had taken my Bioethics midterm last Thursday and I couldn’t finish it . He said “no exercise”, which I knew and had already been doing with frustration (I hate not playing soccer). I still get headaches, and they worsen when I have to really concentrate on something. The sunlight hurts too, and not just my head but my eyes. Sleeping does help and I should do more of that, but since I’m going home in a couple of days, and since I don’t have a life outside of the house and Nat’s place, I think sleep won’t be an issue.

… Crap. I shouldn’t have stopped typing this to pull up a song… now I can’t remember what I was gonna write. Yea, my short-term memory has improved, but it’s not back to the way it was. Um… yea. Since I don’t remember what else I was going to say, I guess I’m done with this blog post =/

Comments (0) Mar 09 2010

I spent the past 5 hours trying to make a song for you, but Audacity was a total bitch and I eventually gave up. But I didn’t forget. Happy 54th <3

Comments (1) Mar 08 2010

Probably not what you think.

So I have a concussion. I’m about to go to the ER to get it checked out. Simply because I panicked about going to sleep. Though I guess one can never be more safe than sorry. But I didn’t want to turn this into a hospital visit because I didn’t think it was that bad.

Well, here’s what happened; last night during our intramural soccer championship game (in which we won YAY!), I was playing defense on the girl who had the ball. Sam, her name, has a really powerful drive, and is one of their better scorers. So she went to take a shot, and I got in front of her. I’ve blocked shots before, hitting them off of my legs, shoulder, back, etc. It’s nothing new to me. So I turned around, hunching my shoulders to tense up my back (which was probably a good thing, because if I hadn’t, I’m pretty sure the concussion would’ve been a lot worse), and I expected the ball to hit my back. Well, instead, it hit the back of my head.

I vaguely remember taking a staggered step forward from the force of the impact, and I managed to sit down on the floor without falling. I remember there was someone on my right side, and then someone on my left (there might have been at least one more person). I could only look straight ahead; I couldn’t even turn my head to look at who was around me. Or maybe I did, but I don’t remember. I don’t know how I got back on my feet, and I don’t know whether or not I got off the court with/without assistance. But my head felt light-headed and in a daze, and I had a slight pressure-ache (the barely there headaches). I managed through last night just fine.

Today went by in a blur; I can’t remember what we talked about in Spanish, and I don’t remember what we went over in Assessment. The only thing I could tell you about AT Tech was that my injury RP was a patellar subluxation, and Jess was my clinician. I can’t really remember the other injuries nor can I remember which assignment was to whom. I even forgot something that Rose, my professor, told me, seconds after hearing her say it.

I’ve been told by nearly everyone I talk to that I should get looked at (though I didn’t think it was a big deal… did I say that already?). I figured I’d do it tomorrow. Nick, one of my coworkers, told me that sleeping with a concussion, wasn’t a good idea. And about an hour ago, my headache got slightly worse. So I panicked slightly, and called the Cayuga Medical Center for consultation. The lady told me I should go over just to play it safe, so I’m about to go right now. I don’t think it’s anything terrible, but I just want to make sure I don’t accidentally die over night. I guess it’s true that you shouldn’t take head injuries lightly. Anyway, I’ll update you all on what’s going on tomorrow.

(I find it slightly ironic that it’s been almost a year since my last visit.)

Comments (0) Mar 04 2010

Honestly, I can’t tell which feeling is worse: being called all sorts of names, or being called all sorts of names by someone who was supposed to be your closest friend.

I’m not going to bother talking about exactly what the fight was over; that doesn’t matter. It usually doesn’t.

Her final words to me were “U are all full of urself. U only care about u and only u. You have to demand everything from everyone. Im sorry that the world dont revolve around u and im sorry that you think ur shit dont stink and im sorry that your a self centered cunt this is the worst you have ever gotten grow up and look at urself for a change ur not all that hot and not everyone wants your nasty ass sorry.”

I think more than anything, I’m furious with her. I don’t know why it took me so long to see everything. Looking back, I realized that my friendship with her wasn’t really a friendship so much as it was me bending to her every whim and letting her walk all over me. Every time she’d ask for a favor, I’d help her without hesitation. When I had first received my driver’s license, I shuttled her to and fro; so much, that my dad had to draw the line, forbidding me to be “the cab driver” for my friends. Whenever I confronted her about one thing or another, she’d turn it around on me and make it my fault for whatever it was. If I got mad at her, it was my fault.

I kind of wonder if she ever noticed when I stopped being open with my life, when I stopped telling her things. I knew that it was fruitless to try and get any kind of support from her; whenever I’d come to her seeking a comforting shoulder, her sympathy would last about five seconds before she would launch into her own world of misery and drama. I never told her how I felt that she didn’t care about me at all. Instead, I played the role of obedient friend and listened to her woes, gave her advice when I could, and backed her up with most anything.

At first, when I had received that text, it hurt. Slowly, over time, however, I’ve grown completely outraged. Not because of the text itself, because of the fact we we have known each other for nearly ten years. We were supposed to be best friends, and yet it’s like she didn’t know me at all. And maybe that’s my fault for never telling her anything. I thought she was more observant though! I can’t believe she didn’t realize that whenever I compare myself to another person, it wasn’t “I’m so much better than them.” No, it’s more like “I wish I was as good a singer as she is,” or “I’ll never be on his level at soccer,” or “Kimmie’s boobs are bigger than mine,” or “I can’t get myself to look more adult like Kasedy can” or, “I’m not as good as this person” or “I wish I was more like this person”. Hell, I didn’t even need to compare myself! “I hate the way my legs look,” “My hair’s too frizzy,” “I suck at this and that”, “I can’t do anything right!”

I wish I was prettier. I wish I was smarter. I wish I could compete on their level.

How? How is that egoistical? How am I being full of myself?!

It was the “you’re selfish and no one wants you” thing that really got to me. I’m selfish, yet I put aside my own happiness and quietly suffer, just so I could focus more attention on you? I got into trouble with my dad numerous times over the car, because I would lie and use it for taking you places instead of wherever I said I was going. I stopped bothering going to you for consoling; instead I bottled up my pain so I could try and heal yours. I would give you all kinds of advice, I listened to every one of your problems. I comforted you when you needed a shoulder to cry on. I kept every last one of your secrets (though I can’t say the same for you and my secrets, thanks for nothing), and I will keep them till the day I die. For God’s sake, Kasedy, I stood by and said nothing, NOTHING, when you and Steve were dating behind your mom’s back, and hung out at my house! In front of me, where all I could do was just watch you and the guy I liked hang all over each other and kiss each other and tell each other how much you cared. And I hated you for it, but I still didn’t say anything, because you were supposed to be my best friend. I cared about you and wanted you to be happy because you were someone important to me, even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness. And all that, all of my unwavering loyalty, to the point of allowing you to treat me like shit, makes me selfish? So what is it, I wonder, that I’m supposed to do to make you take that back. Shall I kill myself? Take a bullet meant for you? Am I supposed to just shut up and be your slave? Treat you like the queen of the world?!

And you know, the thing that was drilled into my skull the most during that high school drama? Yea, it was “Nobody’s going to side with you, because nobody cares about you.”

So thanks, Kas. Thanks for telling me how you’ve felt over all these years. I should’ve realized it sooner, since it’s what you say every time we fight. I can’t believe I was so stupid and naive and thought you, of all people, could be considered a friend, you know, someone I could rely on and trust. I can’t believe I wasted so much of my life being your bitch, babying you and taking care of you and making sure that the world paid attention to you, because you’re SO worth it, right? I can’t believe I LET myself give you chance after chance after chance, ever when it was obvious that it wasn’t worth it.

I’m even more angry with myself, for being afraid to ditch you, because I didn’t talk to or hang out with my other friends all that much. I was afraid of rejection, and sometimes, I still am. I even let your words get to me! “Do they really care about me?” I’ve always pondered this, ever since I ditched my so-called “friends,” and made real friends. Logical me knows that they (meaning my present friends) do, but the rest of me, the loser, insecure me stoops so low as to question it. Because of what happened in high school. And now, because of you.

So here, I’ll be so kind as to do you a favor. Since I’m such a narcissistic bitch, how about I just cut you out of my life for good? Besides that, you’re a waste of my time. I’m better than that. Good luck with that baby, I’m sure you can find one of your friends to help take care of it (or take care of it for you, since I can’t fathom you being a RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING). And I’d wish you luck with the rest of your life, but I’m pretty sure that even my blessing wouldn’t be enough. Was that self-centered enough for you, or should I try harder? You’ll have to let me know, KASEDY, since I don’t know if I’M MEETING YOUR FUCKING EXPECTATIONS!!!

Comments (3) Feb 11 2010