All About G

At first I thought to myself “Why should I write in this? There’s no point going over what was the worst year of my life.” And I realized that because I’ve haven’t been on here to really keep people up to date on what’s been going on, it would be fair of me to do so.

While I feel slightly bad for not updating this, truthfully, with all that’s happened in the past 6 months, I couldn’t bring myself to write. And I don’t really feel like writing about this now, but at least it’s slightly easier than it would’ve been if I’d tried to do this sooner.

I think I can sum up this year by calling it the worst emotional roller-coaster of my life, especially with the latter half of the year, where I very frequent bounced back and forth between despair and simply being okay and surviving (though I suppose I haven’t really been truly okay, what with everything always lingering in the back of my mind).

The night of July 7th, my father was arrested, because of what he’d done to me when I was 11, and later on to my sister when she was 13. Don’t ask why I never said anything before. This all has been extremely complicated, and I still am… well, never mind.

Mom moved into a new place. We live in the boonies now. David’s been stressed because he believes that someone’s gonna break into our house, of all places, and steal shit. We continue to remind him that we aren’t going to be robbed or murdered here, most likely. Mom wants to move into town though, so David can get a job, and so we don’t have to worry about dying whenever we drive out somewhere.

Kimmie’s… yea, never mind.

My fall semester has been shitty during the week, and alright on the weekends. Though usually the morning afters, I can’t remember, but after the memories come back to me, I can stay assured that my Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights are pretty good. And I couldn’t summarize any of them for you. Somehow, I passed my classes, most important Ex Phys. Don’t get me started on Ex Phys. I’m just glad I don’t have to friggen take it again.

I want a new car. More specifically, an SUV. My first choice would have to be a Sportage. We’ll see if THAT ever happens.

I’m pretty sure the ONLY high point of the year was my week-long trip to Cape Cod with Steve. You remember Steve, right? It was a very eventful week. And I’m definitely going to go skydiving again before the day I die, at least one more time (keyword: AT LEAST).

Beyond that, I’m just doing a good job ignoring reality, as usual. My New Years resolution, which I regret making, involves me dealing with me shit. I much rather go back to pretending it never happened. I wasn’t having as many breakdowns as I started having after shit hit the fan.

Unfortunately, I’m not feeling as positive about the new year as Mom does. I don’t really have anything to look forward to. I’m graduating, yea, okay, but then what? I want to do something with my life, but I don’t want to pursue a master’s degree, not just yet. Of course, I’m gonna need an M.S. if I want to do ANYTHING with my life. When before, I was dead set on orthopedic surgery, now I’m unsure of where to go with myself. And considering I have about 5 months, this whole being stuck at a crossroads thing kind of really sucks. But I’m feeling so lethargic and apathetic, that I really just don’t give a shit anymore. Sigh.

Anyway, enough of this bullshit emo-rant. I hope the rest of you, at least, have a prosperous and successful New Year.

Comments (0) Jan 03 2012

I was kindly informed by my mother that it’s tradition for bloggers to update their blog reflecting on the past year. And, while I didn’t do it yesterday (I was a bit too tipsy to type legible words), I decided I would reflect today, the first day of 2011.

For me, this year has been a roller coaster. A lot of ups and a lot of downs (feels like more downs than ups). For the sake of organization, I’ll try to order everything chronologically:

I finally grew fed up with Kasedy and her antics and abuse. I called it quits after the fight we got into back in February. You surely remember that one, right? The blog post in which I finally let it all out? Yup, that one. Kasedy, up until a week or so ago, seemed to think we were friends again. I finally told her how I felt. And funny story: she wrote back saying “yes well, at times it felt like you were using me.”

Using her for what, I REALLY don’t know, because she has nothing that I don’t already have nor do I want. But whatever. I’m done with her, this time for good.

I sustained my first ever head injury in March. And while that’s not really a good thing, I’m kind of glad I experienced it. For me, I find it’s easier to recognize and diagnose the injuries you’ve already had, so you truly know, or at least have an idea of, how it feels. Concussions, for the record, aren’t really all that fun whatsoever, so I recommend to anyone thinking about getting a concussion; Don’t do it.

Later in the spring semester, I tried to get back into soccer. Unfortunately, I have the hunch that at this point, it really is too late to have any real chance of making the team. A few times, the question of retiring soccer for good has come up, and so far I’ve successfully avoided answering that question every time.

I was given the reward of getting into a car accident by my good friend Fate for not doing as well as I could’ve with classes, probably. I occasionally think back to that and wonder how in the world we all emerged from that more or less unscathed. Since then, I’m a bit more jittery behind the wheel, and prior to driving some distance, the night before I’ll dream about getting into some horrendous accident. It makes me a bit more paranoid on the road, and I can’t tell if that’s a bad thing, because a nervous driver is almost as dangerous as a stupid one. But I’m hoping I’ll get back to being a bit more relaxed behind the wheel eventually.

The rest of summer was a bit more eventful. I did a lot more traveling than I usually do. I wrote about those happenings in an earlier post, so I’m not going to repeat myself.

This past fall semester was extremely stressful for me, both financially and academically. Somehow I still ended up with a 3.25 GPA. so I guess if I want a 4.0 I have to be pushing suicidal.

I’ve learned that I don’t always have to ask questions and try to figure things out. Sometimes, things are as they are, and I need to just appreciate what it is for what it is. I’ll enjoy things without asking questions from now on.

And, as you’ve probably heard, Mom and Dad are officially divorced. And, as every day continues to go by, I like Dad less and less. Ignoring the drama over the divorce itself, he’s become a much bigger asshole. Now, it’s always about him, and whenever SOMETHING happens, it’s NEVER his fault, it has to be SOMEONE’S fault, and it ALWAYS has to be done on purpose and in order to make HIS life difficult. His selfishness knows no boundaries. And at the rate it’s going, I’m probably going to grow fed up with him and his bullshit. Especially since no, he’s not getting better contrary to his belief; he’s gotten about ten times worse.

Moving into this year, I’m hoping things look a bit more up. It’d be nice. I’m pessimistic though, so I guess I’ll just bite my tongue and wait and see what happens.

Do I have any resolutions? Unfortunately, I haven’t thought of any. I didn’t accomplish last year’s, which kind of led me to just not declare a resolution. But if I do something big, I’ll let you all know. (I will, however, try to update this more often)

In the meantime, I’m going to go back to relaxing and recovering from last night’s antics. Let my mind zone and avoid thinking, because sometimes thinking puts me in a bad mood…

But in any event, I hope everyone partied hard last night, and that they have a prosperous and wonderful 2011. If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to do some writing.

Comments (2) Jan 01 2011