All About G

Okay folks, this is a discussion post. Meaning I shouldn’t be the only one saying stuff. I can’t even begin to tell you how pissed I was when only THREE people ACTUALLY had something to say! COME ON PEOPLE! YOUR BRAINS! YOU HAVE ONE! USE IT!

Anyway, we turned in our fear papers in class today, and we’ve started a new topic, love. So, in order to get materials for this next paper (though I think I know what I’m gonna write about), let’s have a REAL discussion, please. I’m begging you here.

So, love. What is it? When you say “I love you”, what do you really mean? And if you can elaborate or go into detail, I’m most certainly not stopping you.

When I say “I love you”, what I’m really saying is “You are very important to me, and I generally accept you for who you are.” Generally is a key word in there.

I think in order for you to love somebody, before you can love them, you have to already be aware of their flaws (all of them), and you have to accept them before you can even consider loving that person. Family love is different from a lover’s love. I think in general family love is a lot more easygoing too; I mean, you can fight with each other here and there and sometimes you’ll treat each other like crap, but *usually* at the end of the day, everyone is still there for each other.

Anyway, give me your input. YES DAD AND DEREK THAT INCLUDES YOU! Or else I won’t talk to you for the entire time I’m home. You all aren’t monotonous robots; you have a damn opinion, now say something, for fuck’s sake!

Comments (7) Oct 13 2009

Sometimes, I wonder why I’m still here, at college. Well, it’s more like I wonder how the hell I’m still at college.

Saying that I’m broke is an understatement. I can’t afford any of my textbooks, and I actually need at least of them for sure (my biology lab manual). I want to buy the textbooks for my more major specific classes, like AT techniques I, and Advanced P and C, and I’d actually keep those books for reference material in the future, but I don’t have the money. I can’t afford it. This next paycheck coming in I know already that the majority, if not all of it, is going to be going into my phone and possibly my credit card, if I can afford it. I owe a friend of mine, Chen, around $55 for covering my share of the car that we rented for a day or so (it was a very nice car, I might add). I need to save up money, not just for the bills, but to try and get that lab manual at the very least, not to mention I have to try and save up for my trip with Mom next month to DC. (Speaking of which, I need to talk to her about that in regards to how we’re going to meet up to go down in the first place). I would like/maybe need at this point a hair cut. My ends, at the very least, are long over due for a trim, not to mention I’d like to even out my length, since it looks rather ridiculous when I straighten it out and find that on the back of my head, my hair is at least an inch short than the front.

One thing is for sure, and I’m understanding this more and more every day. Colleges are not made for poor people. Especially not a private liberal arts school such as $46k a year Ithaca College. Actually, in all honesty, I’m probably a minority of more than just race here; I’m probably a hell of a lot poorer than everyone else here. At least they can afford buying used books, used! Sometimes I just feel like I’d be better off going to a cheaper state school, even if this school has what I want and need. Find some state some here in NY; I’m sure one of them has an athletic training program. Even if I won’t like it there as much as I do here; when it comes down to money, will I really have a choice?

And at this point, the issue is not what I want to get, it’s what I need to get. And I can’t turn to my parents for money; they’re strapped for cash too. I’m more or less completely on my own. I need more hours for work, but I don’t have the time these days. The workload that comes with taking 17 credits is insane. The phone bill I have to pay is $80 a month. Don’t get me started on my credit card; it’s too horrific to even speak of.

I’m tired, just physically tired. I know that I shouldn’t be complaining so much. And I know that if I have a problem I need to get my collective rear in gear and fix it. And I’m trying, I really am, but I’m getting slightly worried that in the future, I’m not going to be able to afford coming to school here.

Comments (1) Sep 17 2009

I’m tired. Too tired to give you a real update.

My feet hurt, my knees hurt. I’m so tired I almost feel like I’m high. My body just feels like a sack of lead. My head feels like it weighs a ton. My eyes feel like they’re bloodshot; they probably look bloodshot too.

My head is buzzing like it usually does when I’m depressed. My eyes keep unfocusing. And I’m not even done with all the shit I need to do.

I’m tired. I’m sad. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to go home where I can rest. Rest and not have to worry about turning in this paper on time, or finishing those four assignments before going to work, or covering someone’s shifts without taking away too much homework time, or gaining the motivation to do any of this stuff, or budgeting my time so that I have time in the first place.

I don’t really care that I have about two weeks left. I’m ready to be done and away from here. I want to come home.

Comments (1) Apr 25 2009

I can’t get the concept (or ANYTHING involving) of standard deviation. I’m trying to work on this problem here, and I’m about to say FUCK IT!!!! GAWD.

And I don’t understand it!!! I don’t know why I don’t understand it!!! I’ve been working on my statistics homework for nearly 3 hours, and it NEVER takes me this long to do homework! OMFG THIS PISSES ME OFF!!!! So FUCK IT!!! FORGET THIS STUPID ASSIGNMENT!!!

Comments (1) Feb 02 2009

So, right after my history class, and completely on a whim, I auditioned for a role in a TV show produced by IC students. Don’t ask why I did it. I just happened to stop at the bulletin board and saw the ad. I thought to myself “I’m curious.” And that’s how I ended up auditioning.

I don’t think I did all that bad. I don’t think I’ll make it — so far this year I haven’t had any luck with any kind of tryouts. So I don’t really care if I make it or not. I’ll let you know if I do though.

Comments (0) Jan 22 2009