On Love…

Posted: under My Educational Experience.
Tags: , , , ,

Okay folks, this is a discussion post. Meaning I shouldn’t be the only one saying stuff. I can’t even begin to tell you how pissed I was when only THREE people ACTUALLY had something to say! COME ON PEOPLE! YOUR BRAINS! YOU HAVE ONE! USE IT!

Anyway, we turned in our fear papers in class today, and we’ve started a new topic, love. So, in order to get materials for this next paper (though I think I know what I’m gonna write about), let’s have a REAL discussion, please. I’m begging you here.

So, love. What is it? When you say “I love you”, what do you really mean? And if you can elaborate or go into detail, I’m most certainly not stopping you.

When I say “I love you”, what I’m really saying is “You are very important to me, and I generally accept you for who you are.” Generally is a key word in there.

I think in order for you to love somebody, before you can love them, you have to already be aware of their flaws (all of them), and you have to accept them before you can even consider loving that person. Family love is different from a lover’s love. I think in general family love is a lot more easygoing too; I mean, you can fight with each other here and there and sometimes you’ll treat each other like crap, but *usually* at the end of the day, everyone is still there for each other.

Anyway, give me your input. YES DAD AND DEREK THAT INCLUDES YOU! Or else I won’t talk to you for the entire time I’m home. You all aren’t monotonous robots; you have a damn opinion, now say something, for fuck’s sake!

Comments (7) Oct 13 2009

On Fear

Posted: under Thinking.
Tags: , , , , ,

It’s time for a discussion post!

In my Personal Essay class, we’re working on our second paper, on fear. Part of this includes going to people we know and discussing it with them.

So what is fear? How does the media use fear? Are humans naturally fearful — is being afraid in our genes — or are we conditioned by society to be fearful? Where does it come from? How do we overcome it? And why are we afraid to face it?

A couple of questions/prompts he gave us to help with the though processes: Are you afraid of terrorism? Also, would you like to carry around a gun?

This is my initial input (though you can expect me to comment responses and whatnot to ya). There are two different kinds of fear. There’s the natural survival instinct that causes us to fear things that threaten our lives. The second kind of fear develops in response to a traumatic event. Like, for example, I’m afraid of trusting new people because of what happened back in high school. Things like that. Can it be overcome? It can, but it’s very hard to do. Facing something you fear is obviously not a pleasant thing to do.

Now, am I afraid of terrorism? Not particularly, but it pisses me off. Look, U.S., people hate us and are trying to kill us. Did you all ever stop to think WHY? Maybe we could DO SOMETHING about it, instead of trying to kill them in response.

Would I carry a gun? Nope. And I could care less. The NRA, according to my professor, has the notion, or something, that “the ONLY way to feel safe is to have a gun.”

So… NRA… My feeling safe more or less my entire life has been a delusion because I’m not armed? Um, here, I have a better question for ya; uh, are ya fucking stupid?

But anyway, that’s my two cents for now. Let’s make this an INTELLIGENT DISCUSSION please, for fuck’s sake. Aliens are irrelevant. Plus, this is for a class, damnit. I wouldn’t be making this blog post in the first place otherwise.

Comments (4) Sep 29 2009

This Is Not Fair

Posted: under Depression..., My Educational Experience, Stuff.
Tags: , , , ,

Sometimes, I wonder why I’m still here, at college. Well, it’s more like I wonder how the hell I’m still at college.

Saying that I’m broke is an understatement. I can’t afford any of my textbooks, and I actually need at least of them for sure (my biology lab manual). I want to buy the textbooks for my more major specific classes, like AT techniques I, and Advanced P and C, and I’d actually keep those books for reference material in the future, but I don’t have the money. I can’t afford it. This next paycheck coming in I know already that the majority, if not all of it, is going to be going into my phone and possibly my credit card, if I can afford it. I owe a friend of mine, Chen, around $55 for covering my share of the car that we rented for a day or so (it was a very nice car, I might add). I need to save up money, not just for the bills, but to try and get that lab manual at the very least, not to mention I have to try and save up for my trip with Mom next month to DC. (Speaking of which, I need to talk to her about that in regards to how we’re going to meet up to go down in the first place). I would like/maybe need at this point a hair cut. My ends, at the very least, are long over due for a trim, not to mention I’d like to even out my length, since it looks rather ridiculous when I straighten it out and find that on the back of my head, my hair is at least an inch short than the front.

One thing is for sure, and I’m understanding this more and more every day. Colleges are not made for poor people. Especially not a private liberal arts school such as $46k a year Ithaca College. Actually, in all honesty, I’m probably a minority of more than just race here; I’m probably a hell of a lot poorer than everyone else here. At least they can afford buying used books, used! Sometimes I just feel like I’d be better off going to a cheaper state school, even if this school has what I want and need. Find some state some here in NY; I’m sure one of them has an athletic training program. Even if I won’t like it there as much as I do here; when it comes down to money, will I really have a choice?

And at this point, the issue is not what I want to get, it’s what I need to get. And I can’t turn to my parents for money; they’re strapped for cash too. I’m more or less completely on my own. I need more hours for work, but I don’t have the time these days. The workload that comes with taking 17 credits is insane. The phone bill I have to pay is $80 a month. Don’t get me started on my credit card; it’s too horrific to even speak of.

I’m tired, just physically tired. I know that I shouldn’t be complaining so much. And I know that if I have a problem I need to get my collective rear in gear and fix it. And I’m trying, I really am, but I’m getting slightly worried that in the future, I’m not going to be able to afford coming to school here.

Comments (1) Sep 17 2009

The Next Writing Prompt

Posted: under All About Me, Writings.
Tags: , ,

“Pick something that describes you and write about it:”

If I had to pick one thing that described me really well, other than me, it would have to be my star sign. No, I didn’t look up typical traits of a Scorpio one day and decide “Yes, I’m going to be just like this.” Actually, until I was in school, I had no idea what a Scorpio’s characteristics were.

What happened to get me to look it up and see for myself how I’m “the epitome of all things Scorpio” was really my mom telling me over the years how I was “very obviously” a Scorpio. One day I finally told myself “Maybe I should actually find out what she means by that.”

I would quote a paragraph or two from the couple of websites that I looked at, but it would be lame if I were to read this aloud and cite things. I’ll summarize.

I am a very intensely serious person, like the typical Scorpio should be. I usually see things in black or white, though I have my occasional grays (those are very rare though). I always see that there is a “right” and a “wrong”, and usually when I think like that, it’s during an argument when I’m ferociously trying to prove that I’m, well, right.
I’m very emotional, and no, I don’t mean that in the sense that I break down and cry or flip out easily. I mean that I’m emotional in the sense that when I feel my emotions, I really feel them with a ridiculous amount of intensity. While I hate to admit it, there are some things that I’m rather sensitive about, and it can trigger my explosive temper, and that’s usually when I make people hate me for one reason or another. And this maybe sound contradictory, while I’m quick to snap, I’ve never really truly gotten furious at somebody, or I have, but it’s very rare. The only time I can remember was once, last summer, when I punched a kid for attempting to drive away with my dad’s car.

While I’m usually quiet, I’m very observant of what goes on around me, and when I speak up it’s usually something relatively intelligent-sounding (a lot of the reason as to why I don’t usually speak in a discussion is because I take so long to decide what I want to or should say, and by the time I’m ready to say it, everyone has moved on to a different topic. Call it a bad habit, but thinking before you speak is a gift in my eyes). I know that I’m a lot of fun to be around, and that I do have an insatiable curiosity (I like surfing Wikipedia just to read and learn, for example). I also am very intuitive, and am very proud of my gut instincts, because it’s usually right. I’m resourcefully creative in some ways, especially when it comes to problem-solving, and for that reason a lot of my friends usually come to me for advice or help. I’m very stubborn when it comes to getting things I want, and I do tend to keep to myself.

When I had found this information on the net, I was initially surprised that a lot of it described me. Nowadays, I’ll joke about it; “Oh, I’m such a Scorpio,” but deep down I know that it’s true – I am the epitome of everything that is Scorpio.

Comments (0) Sep 10 2009

1-Page Auto Bio that Wasn’t 1 Page

Posted: under My Educational Experience, Thinking.
Tags: , ,

So I bet you’re wondering what this is all about. Well, for Personal Essay, we have to write papers about, well, ourselves. In our style, by the end of this class, we have to write a paper; “Who am I?” And it’s more than just “19 year old bi-racial female,” if you couldn’t tell :3 In any event, I decided to take the papers I write in the class and put them up here. This is my first assignment in the class (turned it in today). A one page auto-biography (it wasn’t exactly one page, ahaha). Enjoy:

Well, where do I start, besides the painfully obvious? The name’s Regina Ann Baker, better known as Gina, G, Shorty, G Bakes, and several hundred other nicknames that I can’t remember and don’t feel like listing anyway. Born in the Methodist Hospital in Brooklyn, NY, 10:02am, November 21st, 1989. Weighed in at 7 lbs 12 oz., 21 cm long (because that actually matters in life for some stupid reason). I’m an arrogant, confident, bitchy nice girl with no self-esteem whatsoever. A procrastinating perfectionist (ironically; I’m a woman of many contradictions), and I’m surprised I haven’t given myself a stroke because it’s really that bad. I have a tendency to over-think things and I’m too serious for my health. I’m not all bad parts, I suppose. I have quite the sense of humor, and while I’ve never been tested for it, I’ve been told that I might be gifted in a few of the seven (or is it eight now?) intelligences. Plus I’m ridiculously musical and a sports freak; how much better can you get?

Me and my growing-up-to-be-an-eventual-6-person family lived in a 2-person apartment just around the corner from Brooklyn College, until I was around 8. Blame it on the kid who was set on fire for not trying crack down the street (this actually did happen too, no joke), but my parents decided that it was probably best for us to leave and move to a better neighborhood. So, we purposefully got ourselves evicted, and moved briefly to Philadelphia to stay with Great Aunt Doris, Aunt Karen and her three kids in a tiny 2 person row house (for the non-math majors, that’s 10 people, 11 when Dad came on weekends, since he was still working in Manhattan at the time). The following six months after that is relatively uneventful, so I’ll skip ahead to the part where we move to the house we currently reside in, up in Sidney, NY. A house that almost but not quite fits us all, but it’s certainly a lot better than that tiny apartment in the city.

At this point, I guess one would expect me to say “life has gotten much better now that we’re up here!” Well, ironically, the opposite happened, and no, it’s not because the town I live in is boring as hell, though it is boring as hell. A lot of things changed. Firstly, our finances changed; my dad went from making 60k a year to a fraction of that. Secondly, my dad changed. I’m not entirely sure how his little, screwed up head works, but he ended up clinically depressed. And in result, everything else has all gone down hill since then. I’m not going to get into the nitty and gritty right now, not to mention that I don’t particularly like pity. I find it highly annoying, just like stupid people.

I was re-enrolled into the public school system in 8th grade (prior to that, I had been pulled out of 2nd grade to be home-schooled by my mother), fumbling along and trying to learn how to have a social life. Needless to say, the first couple of years were bad. It got a little better going through high school, to a very slight degree. I can’t say the drama got any better. If anything, it was about 200 times worse. Unfortunately for me, I made it a habit to make friends with people who would take advantage of my unwavering loyalty, and walk all over me (not all of them, just a lot of them). And it was like that for a very long time. Soccer and chorus, both of which I was heavily involved in during those four years of Hell School, plus a small and select group of friends probably was what kept me from shooting my brains out. I don’t kid you when I say I went through a lot back then.

Senior year was when I finally started gaining my confidence. I applied to several different schools, getting into my top choice. I came in as a P.E. major, thinking I wanted to be a gym teacher. As time went on, however, and I’m not entirely sure how I got myself there, but I realized that my major interest was in sports medicine. I love sports medicine you see, it’s like my calling, and so now I’ve been going through the torturously slow process of switching into athletic training. I eventually want to go to med school and come out an orthopedic (doctor or surgeon, not sure which). I want to be a specialist that caters to athletes, since that’s the part of sports medicine that I really like the most.

One of the biggest contributors to my new-found confidence and just a healthier self-image was going to college. And I don’t even know what it was about it that matured me. Perhaps it was having to take care of myself, more or less with out the help of my mom or dad; maybe it was the fact that after I started going to college, the relationship between my Dad and I started to deteriorate more. Maybe it was the realization that I really wasn’t such a loser, that I was just as smart and capable as the next guy, some times more so, and that I was competent enough to lead an independent life. Starting my third year here, I think I can safely say that I’m glad I managed to get myself here, even though I have the extra year here and then basically the rest of my life in med school. Hopefully in the end it will all be worth it.

Comments (1) Sep 01 2009