All About G

This is frustrating.

I don’t know how many of you know, but I have a FanFiction account (you can check it out here). I’ve written a few stories here and there, but I feel like I haven’t really written anything good. There are a couple of stories that I’m working on that a few people like, namely “Haunted” and ‘Retards of the Caribbean”, and I’ve got something like 8 reviews each. They aren’t good enough. I don’t know. I really want to write and update Haunted, especially since I haven’t written in it in over a year, and for ROTC I have a few ideas, but for the strangest reason I just can’t seem to get these plots on paper. And it’s aggravating! I want to write good stories so that 20, 30, and 40 people will comment on and like, like Kimmie’s stories.

She says I’m a “good writer,” but it’s a bias. People that are sucking up to me tell me my writing is good. This one guy on AIM who CLEARLY wants me to date him compliments my writing all the time. All they do is suck up. So maybe it isn’t good, maybe it sucks. I’d like for someone for just come straight out and be real, tell me I should just give up, that I really do suck at writing and to not be so full of myself.

But right now I just want to be able to actually write. I have several projects I want to work on, but I can’t get the thoughts out! AUGH! I WANT TO BASH MY HEAD INTO A WALL!

Comments (1) Sep 18 2009

Sometimes, I wonder why I’m still here, at college. Well, it’s more like I wonder how the hell I’m still at college.

Saying that I’m broke is an understatement. I can’t afford any of my textbooks, and I actually need at least of them for sure (my biology lab manual). I want to buy the textbooks for my more major specific classes, like AT techniques I, and Advanced P and C, and I’d actually keep those books for reference material in the future, but I don’t have the money. I can’t afford it. This next paycheck coming in I know already that the majority, if not all of it, is going to be going into my phone and possibly my credit card, if I can afford it. I owe a friend of mine, Chen, around $55 for covering my share of the car that we rented for a day or so (it was a very nice car, I might add). I need to save up money, not just for the bills, but to try and get that lab manual at the very least, not to mention I have to try and save up for my trip with Mom next month to DC. (Speaking of which, I need to talk to her about that in regards to how we’re going to meet up to go down in the first place). I would like/maybe need at this point a hair cut. My ends, at the very least, are long over due for a trim, not to mention I’d like to even out my length, since it looks rather ridiculous when I straighten it out and find that on the back of my head, my hair is at least an inch short than the front.

One thing is for sure, and I’m understanding this more and more every day. Colleges are not made for poor people. Especially not a private liberal arts school such as $46k a year Ithaca College. Actually, in all honesty, I’m probably a minority of more than just race here; I’m probably a hell of a lot poorer than everyone else here. At least they can afford buying used books, used! Sometimes I just feel like I’d be better off going to a cheaper state school, even if this school has what I want and need. Find some state some here in NY; I’m sure one of them has an athletic training program. Even if I won’t like it there as much as I do here; when it comes down to money, will I really have a choice?

And at this point, the issue is not what I want to get, it’s what I need to get. And I can’t turn to my parents for money; they’re strapped for cash too. I’m more or less completely on my own. I need more hours for work, but I don’t have the time these days. The workload that comes with taking 17 credits is insane. The phone bill I have to pay is $80 a month. Don’t get me started on my credit card; it’s too horrific to even speak of.

I’m tired, just physically tired. I know that I shouldn’t be complaining so much. And I know that if I have a problem I need to get my collective rear in gear and fix it. And I’m trying, I really am, but I’m getting slightly worried that in the future, I’m not going to be able to afford coming to school here.

Comments (1) Sep 17 2009

I NEED TO UPDATE THIS DAMNED BLOG BUT I CAN’T FIGURATIVELY GET OFF MY ASS AND DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!

God, I can’t even begin to tell you what I’ve been up to. Literally.

I’m working on a project to upload. I’ve got way too much other shit to do. I need to find a specific form that I know that I’ll never be able to find. I keep frappin’ overdrafting my stupid checking account. $60 of my deposited $80 went out the window, and I’ve got freakin’ bills to pay (I’m not even spending money on things to spoil myself! I’M BUYING FOOD TO FEED MYSELF WHEN I WORK BECAUSE I CAN’T GO HOME AND EAT DINNER.). And I’d very much like to rip my hair out.

What an awesome summer vacation; I’m as much on the fritz as I usually am at school. Wonderful

Comments (1) Jul 18 2009

It feels like I still have 20 years before I’m done.

I have so much to do. I wrote my lab report, and got a good portion of it done when I realized I was missing something. So tomorrow morning before my 8:25am I’m going to finish the paper and finish the homework assignment and print out the PowerPoint slides for psych class AND print out the reading for History and also the essay questions that Tom put up for us for the History final this Thursday. I also need to read a story and complete an activity in my Spanish textbook by Wednesday, not to mention my last phoner shift is Wednesday night (thank GOD they decided not to hire me next year; I HATED that job!). And I need to set aside SOME time to at least study for the exam on Thursday (Tom was so kind as to have us take our final this week, since his wife is due with a baby next week). And this is all just for this week, FORGET finals week.

But here, I’ll at least talk about some more positive things. I got my belly pierced It hurt like a bitch, and that was the second time in my life I was told that I have tough skin (I must be a crocodile or s… actually a cat’s skin is tougher than that of a human’s :3). A friend (crush) of mine and I have made plans to hang out sometime this week, which is totally awesome! Oh, and I don’t know if you remember me talking about the popular kids back in high school. Christine Mirabito, Teresa’s older sister and popular student, invited me to have dinner tomorrow, so I’m looking forward to that too.

A lot of stuff has been happening, and I mean a lot. I can’t remember half of it, seriously. It’s hard talking about it here, because not only is there so much going on, I have no energy and it feels like my brain is going to melt right out of my head. Ugh. It’s been so damn busy and in result majorly stressful. And at this point, I’m dangerously close to just screwing everything and abandoning my homework to relax a little. I at least managed to get the majority of my lab report done. Why the hell did she have to assignment so much junk for this week?! Gawd, did she think that we DIDN’T have enough to do?! There’s that stupid group project, and then this stupid lab, and then the stupid homework assignment!*ripping hair out*

Too much is going on. I think I should probably record a podcast. I feel like I’d be able to blurb better about all the crap that’s been going on. So I’d expect a podcast sometime in the near future, if I were you. Until then, I’ll either update my blog again, or… something… Yea, see what I mean when I say my brain’s going to fry and melt!?

Comments (1) Apr 28 2009

I’m tired. Too tired to give you a real update.

My feet hurt, my knees hurt. I’m so tired I almost feel like I’m high. My body just feels like a sack of lead. My head feels like it weighs a ton. My eyes feel like they’re bloodshot; they probably look bloodshot too.

My head is buzzing like it usually does when I’m depressed. My eyes keep unfocusing. And I’m not even done with all the shit I need to do.

I’m tired. I’m sad. I don’t want to be here anymore. I just want to go home where I can rest. Rest and not have to worry about turning in this paper on time, or finishing those four assignments before going to work, or covering someone’s shifts without taking away too much homework time, or gaining the motivation to do any of this stuff, or budgeting my time so that I have time in the first place.

I don’t really care that I have about two weeks left. I’m ready to be done and away from here. I want to come home.

Comments (1) Apr 25 2009