All About G

And so, I will give it to you.

I’m feeling a bit better since that emo episode not too long ago. Mom, bless her soul, gave me some valuable insight. I swear, I think SHE should be my psychiatrist. But I have a lot of work to do, basically. But enough of that, let’s move on with some cooler shit.

So I just got done almost packing (I’m going to pack this laptop of mine and my flatiron tomorrow morning) for my trip tomorrow to Buffalo. And I’m pretty sure no one really knows what I’m talking about so I’ll abridge it for you.

Basically, From the 20th to the 25th, I’ll be working as volunteer medical staff (love being an AT student) at the Empire State Games, up in Buffalo. I’m going to definitely take the opportunity to do some REAL clubbing, and perhaps I’ll even be able to check out the Falls before I go back. But I’m really looking forward to this trip. And I’ll be going to bed shortly after I finish this post though I doubt I’m gonna get any sleep…

One thing I’m going to try and do is record the almost-week-long trip with my phone and post it on Youtube. That way, it’ll be almost as if you were right there with me! Yea, not really, I know… yes it was really cheesy sounding. But what better way to talk about my trip than to show it? Besides that, it’s an experiment with my phone to see just how good the quality of the video is. My old EnV 3 had really good pics, but the video quality was *horrible*. I’m crossing my fingers with my new EnV Touch.

Anyway, I really should get going to bed. I have a long day ahead of me, and it’ll only get dangerous if I fall asleep behind the wheel. I’ll try and tell you how it goes as it goes!

Comments (0) Jul 19 2010

Wednesday, after writing that blog post, I went to talk to Coach Quigg. I think it was probably one of the more terrifying moments of my life.

I don’t know if you would ever guess looking at me, but when it comes down to my skills, I’m not confident at all. Playing in high school, I was told I was good, but I was also told that I wasn’t good enough. I don’t think the people who talked to me realized what they were saying when they said it, but the message came across as clear: “You did good, but that girl over better is even better.”

Was it to try and motivate me (I’m a highly competitive person) to work harder? That might have been their intentions. Unfortunately, while I’m competitive, my self-esteem is terrible, so if someone tells me I’m not good enough, then it comes across as “You’ll never be good enough.”

I’m not trying to single him out, but Dad did that a lot. I don’t think he knows that he was even doing it (he tends to be oblivious to absolutely everything). But hearing him critique my gameplay, and then turn around and talk about how Mike Guerriere was “amazing,” (And yes, Mike is/was(?) an amazing player, probably one of the best in our region. I wouldn’t be surprised if he made it as far as the National Team) really ground it into my skull that my skill level had reached a plateau and that I couldn’t climb any higher.

What knocked me down and out were tryouts my freshman year at IC. I didn’t make the first cuts, and it was so disheartening for me; it just solidified my belief that I’d never be good enough. I wasn’t fast enough, my footwork wasn’t accurate enough, my leg wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t good enough.

It was when Kristen talked to me that I thought “Well, maybe I am good enough after all.”

It was just a Friday AT hour in the training room, and Kristen and I were talking about soccer. She had nearly made the varsity team herself, but was cut after injuring her ankle. And I’ve seen her play. Hell, I’ve played against her. I played her team in the championship intramural game last block, when I sustained my concussion. She’s an amazing player. And we were just talking about soccer and missing it, and she then suggested that the two of us work hard over the summer and then try out in the fall.

At first I was resistant. Why bother, knowing that I surely wouldn’t make it? And I let her know that I probably wouldn’t make it. That I felt like, ever since the cut, the varsity team was on an unreachable level.

And then she had told me “I’ve seen a lot of people play, in intramurals and stuff. And I really think you could make it.”

Coming from a peer in the sport, especially one who was as good of a player as she was, gave me that spark of hope.

So I went to see Coach. I told her about the mistakes I had made, and how I missed playing and how I wanted to try again. She didn’t turn me down whatsoever. Instead, she told me “Come up to practice Friday at 6.”

And I did. And I was amazed with myself. I’m behind a little with skills since it’s been a really long time that I’ve played on that kind of level, but I held my own. I did good. And Coach agreed with me. She had let me know that I was a little behind, but I had very good speed (I’ve always been fast on the green — I was known as the deer/gazelle, when I played in high school). And she was very encouraging that once I got back into the swing of things, I’d be on that kind of level. And she invited me to go back again, tomorrow morning at 8am.

I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I am now. And I’m going to go to bed now, before it gets too late. I gotta get my rest (at least some) so I can manage to get up early.

In the meantime, I’m going to bed thankful that Kristen talked me into trying again. If she hadn’t, I’d still be miserably living in my room, wishing I could be as good as them, instead of knowing that I’ve got the potential, and that I will be as good as them, if not better.

So thanks a ton, Kristen. I don’t think I could ever thank you enough.

Comments (2) Apr 09 2010

It’s been ridiculously hard transitioning from Spring Break mode to School mode. It’s doubly weird because Spring Break wasn’t much of a vacation more than it was a week of more or less doing nothing.

So I discovered just how much of a life I really don’t have. Other than the trip to Oneonta to get the tattoo the Saturday after I returned, and the hair cut I got the Thursday before I had to come back to school, I spent all day, every day, pretty much either wandering aimlessly around the house whining about how there wasn’t anything to do, watching movies on my computer, or sitting on the couch and staring off into space. Oh, right! There were like, three afternoons in which Kimmie, Natalie, and I went to the park to have fun at the playground. And at least the weather outside was gorgeous. But still. I had no where to go, and pretty much no one to hang out with outside of my family, and Nat.

The weekend of my return to campus, Kimmie stayed at her boyfriend’s house Friday and Saturday night. She went straight to his house from school. So Friday, I spent the afternoon and evening at Nat’s house, playing Soul Caliber IV until midnight. And I spent all day Saturday watching Jackie Chan movies. It’s such a fail. And I hadn’t thought about it until I got done watching the fourth Jackie Chan movie, but I realized “holy crap, I have no life.”

Have I really stooped to that kind of level? I rag on Ricky all the time because he lives on World of Warcraft like it’s what keeps him alive every day (and seriously, his online gaming addiction is a problem. I might stage an intervention). And as I rag on him, I’m lounging around my house doing nothing? It just SCREAMS hypocrisy, and I hate it. I hate not having anything to do. And I hate not having anywhere to go. I hate how everyone I used to talk to is gone. And even the people I don’t talk to, just the people I see, they’re leaving too. It’s like Sidney’s becoming a ghost town. And it really sucks. I’m going to die of boredom, that’s for sure.

I’m hoping to get a job working at the pool over the summer. Maybe being out like that daily might help? I have no idea.

G'd Third Tat

Well anyway, besides not having anything to do, I did get my third tattoo. And I did get a haircut, but I don’t have a picture yet so you’ll never know what it looks like muhahahaha! The tat hurt more than the other two, and of course that’s not a surprise, considering this one was over my cervical spine.

Why did I get this one? Well, as you can see, it’s a scorpion. And, if you haven’t already figured out by now, I’m a Scorpio, through and through (I find that hilarious, because I was born on the very last day of Scorpio and everything too). Anyways, I hadn’t thought about getting my star sign on my own.

What happened was, originally, I was going to get this tattoo with Kasedy, who was going to get a tattoo representing her star sign, Taurus, once she turned 18. It was going to be a matching tat thing; something that best friends do. Natalie and Kimmie were going to get their star signs in the upper shoulder region as well, so we could all match.

That was the original plan. That was also determined before this happened. I decided, however, that just because I wasn’t getting it with Kasedy didn’t mean I didn’t have to get it at all. Besides that, Kimmie and Natalie were still getting theirs as well (at least, that I know of). So this tattoo is a tad more symbolic to me than just “I’m a Scorpio,” and “my sister and friend are getting matching star sign tats.” It’s also a statement. It says “Hey, Kasedy. Fuck you. I don’t need you anymore, and here’s how I’m proving it. See this here? The thing that we were going to get together? Well I got it alone. You’re not needed in my life anymore.”

Anyways, so I messed up a bit in terms of moving money about, I’m glad I got this tattoo in the end. It’s very pretty, and everyone that’s seen it likes it, so it’s good Plus I know I’ll never regret getting this tat. If I did, I’d regret being a Scorpio, and we all know THAT’S never going to happen.

So that’s the summary of my spring break. Hopefully, next year’s will be a bit better. And that’s hoping that Sidney doesn’t become a ghost town by then.

EDIT: Well, I’m quite the stupid one. And senile… Anyway, turns out, I *did* have a good pic in my computer of me with me haircut, as you now see. I had completely failed to remember that I kept the pic I sent a couple of my friends on my phone. I sent it to my email, and well, here we are now. Hope you like it!

Comments (0) Mar 23 2010

No pun intended >.>

Anyway, it’s about 7 days, give a few hours, since I sustained my concussion. My follow-up for my concussion says I still have a concussion. Dr. Getzin recommend mental and physical rest, of course, and advised me to push back my midterms thank God; I was worried about that. I had taken my Bioethics midterm last Thursday and I couldn’t finish it . He said “no exercise”, which I knew and had already been doing with frustration (I hate not playing soccer). I still get headaches, and they worsen when I have to really concentrate on something. The sunlight hurts too, and not just my head but my eyes. Sleeping does help and I should do more of that, but since I’m going home in a couple of days, and since I don’t have a life outside of the house and Nat’s place, I think sleep won’t be an issue.

… Crap. I shouldn’t have stopped typing this to pull up a song… now I can’t remember what I was gonna write. Yea, my short-term memory has improved, but it’s not back to the way it was. Um… yea. Since I don’t remember what else I was going to say, I guess I’m done with this blog post =/

Comments (0) Mar 09 2010

I would actually go into a full fledged post about how life is going, but since my brain melted out of my skull around Tuesday, I’ll be unable to do such a thing.

I’ve pretty much lost the ability to think. I’m almost looking forward to going home. And I’d actually be looking for it if it weren’t for the fact that I’ll be working. Lame! Who ever heard of me having a REAL break? I know I sure as hell didn’t!

There’s a knot in my neck the width of my thumb. It starts at the base of my skull and it goes down to my scapula. I think I need to see a massage therapist.

Everything is riding on my Advanced P and C final on Tuesday. Else I’m pretty much fucked. I hate life.

Some relatively good news: All my personal essay papers came back with A’s, and this final paper of mine is coming along nicely. I’ll post up download links to them so if you want to read them you can, and if you don’t want to read them, you can stfu and not bitch that I posted them anyway.

… I actually had a lot more to talk about. Unfortunately, I completely forgot all of it. So, I suppose I’ll try to keep you posted.

Comments (4) Dec 10 2009